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The Stanford University bookstore sells mugs, T-shirts, sweatshirts, and other memorabilia
with the insignia “Stanford Mom.” Most likely, a street vendor in San Francisco Fisherman’s Wharf peddles T-shirts with “My son went to Stanford and all I got was this T-shirt” displaying on it. Whether an alluring ad or a gag gift given to a mother whose child went to Stanford, delightfulness of recognizing that mother glares. Mark Twain said, “My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.” Parents, mothers in particular, endeavor much, often stressfully, to see their children get accepted to Stanford. However, they like that effort time and again.
A fine line exists between holding staunch fondness for Stanford as a leading academic institution versus being elitist. Those who cross that line become dull and uncongenial. They are the bores to be avoided. Yet affection of a parent for Stanford enlightens, and that permeates to others as a source of tenderness.
In “Man and Superman,” George Bernard Shaw wrote, “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” Whereas not being admitted to Stanford ought not to be a tragedy, nevertheless, disappointment takes place. Once at Stanford, some do feel disappointed for various reasons, often inexplicably. That feeling widely ranges from simply questioning the wisdom to have worked so hard to be accepted to a serious breakdown of rationalization that can ultimately lead to catastrophe.
Help and counsel must be provided by the university, family, friends and classmates once
symptoms of that disappointment show initial signs.
Some blame parents for pushing their children hard, beyond reasonable threshold, as the primary root cause. Although loving parents do not stop loving their child if the admittance from a choice university does not arrive, some do not get that pressing their children for what those parents regard as success has consequences that can be dreadful.
Disappointment typically starts when the joy of being on the Stanford campus diminishes, and is substituted by a variety of doubts and questions. A series of “why” questions may lead to the loss of purpose, and the eventual withdrawal that often accompanies disconnect from reality.
That disconnect is not in the form of delusion, but a sense of emptiness and loneliness. That’s when support should be provided to ensure that life on Stanford campus is beautiful, the caring of friends, classmates, faculty and staff is endless, and the love of the family never stops.
Parents can be significantly constructive on the realignment of purpose. But, directing their disillusioned kids to think rationally needs to come from a source of resolve by parents first, coupled with compassion. They need to appreciate Stanford themselves before being able to convince their kids. Otherwise, the dialogue devolves into chanting and empty retailing of the university.
I can impart this point of view by my mother’s example. Children idolize parents, and I am not an exception, notwithstanding that the point here far exceeds any personal admiration of my mother. Instead, it is a narrative that illustrates how parents must epitomize the value of higher education quintessentially for impactful words of wisdom to their children.
My mom was a paragon of education virtue and an influencer for straightening the thought process. She lost her husband when she was 43, then devoted herself to her children. Her biggest joyful pride was that she guided and supported all her three children to attend Stanford for graduate school. She then became a resolute and unswerving Stanford Mom. My mom resided in the San Francisco Bay Area Peninsula for 45 years, and not far from the Stanford campus. She was not a Stanford alumna, but she always wanted to be close to the Stanford campus. When she was still able to drive, she often went to the Tresidder Student Union, got herself some coffee and sweets, and sat in a corner while enjoying the bustling campus traffic and its animated ambience.
Retired as a primary school teacher and principal, education embodied her. She thought of education as that promising panacea for an array of societal challenges. Children were her passion, and she loved every child for whom she had responsibility. She instilled in those children early on the value of education and the ethical principles that go along with it. No doubt she made a difference in the lives of those youngsters.
My mom would have not been disappointed, or loved less, if any of her children did not get accepted to Stanford. Maybe because she was an educator herself, she understood the scars that could be etched when the boundaries and limits are disregarded while pressing kids beyond realistic edges.
My Mom, Pari Vossough-Alamzad, passed away on December 1, 2022, at age 93. She was a Stanford Mom par excellence.
Jahan Alamzad is a management consultant. He lives in San Carlos, California, and can be followed on X @jahan_alamzad and reached at jalamzad@gmail.com.