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Call it a momentary lapse of sanity or the sanest thing I’ve ever done, but when the news broadcasted a bomb going off at the Kabul, Afghanistan, airport in 2021, when we pulled our troops out, I started to think about how I could help. All those beautiful families scrambling for their lives, in pure terror of what just happened. And then the kids who were now parentless, in tears, on TV. Then there were the Afghans trying to climb the fences, so desperate to get on a plane to anywhere. And of course, who can forget the baby that was handed to our military troops for safety (what an image that was).
Now I don’t make a lot of money, I don’t own a home in Palo Alto. I’m a single working woman. I have a good job. In fact, I work two-plus jobs and somehow manage to volunteer and work on a campaign. All that being said, I lived in Austin, Texas, for three of the years I was there I investigated child abuse. I know firsthand what a huge need there is for foster parents. I have a clean background, nice house, great parents, friends and family, so I thought I could step up to the plate and go through the process to foster a kiddo. (Now please know, I’ve never been married, no kids, and to be totally truthful, I never wanted them, but that never stopped me from wanting to help them.)
I don’t know where I saw an advertisement recruiting foster parents for refugee children. But I signed up. Now here I am, eight months into fostering an Afghan teenage boy. Let me tell you, I’m proud of myself for stepping up to the plate, I’m frustrated with myself for not being able to juggle all things, and like most of your parents out there, I’m tired and wonder what I got myself into. But then I look this sweet boy in the eyes every day and see the sadness he feels and am so, so glad he’s safe, in my home.
Catholic Charities is the agency that I went through to become certified to foster. The process to become a foster parent wasn’t hard. It was during the beginning stages of the COVID-19 outbreak so it took a while to be certified. I worked with one amazing woman named Claire. Little did I know that she would not just be a great resource on how the process worked but someone I could trust to help guide me through it. As I got closer and closer to being certified, I met more and more people with the agency to help me with everything. I remember feeling really overwhelmed when I had people scheduling home visits, telling me what forms to fill out, where to get background checks done, and asking for paperwork from my insurance to my rental agreement. It was a lot. Claire was there to help me stay the course and talk me down off of a cliff when everyone wanting something was getting to be too much. I can’t tell you how many times I almost gave up. I was exhausted and I didn’t even have a kid yet. What was it going to be like when I did get a kid?
Fortunately, I don’t give up easily. Most days my foster kid is amazing but we have had a lot of days where we butt heads too. I have a 17-year-old foster boy who is the oldest of six children and the oldest male in an Afghan family, which makes him very important. To put it simply, he thinks what he says, goes. Well it’s different in my house. He has had a lot of first experiences with me. If he didn’t like what I made for dinner, he would throw it away. To that I said, “You can cook”. He didn’t like that idea, so he eventually complained less and threw away less. I bought him clothes, food and other things but when he didn’t use half of what I bought him, the items went back to the store. Money management is something that has taken time to understand. This little boy came here with nothing and he sees that everyone has so much stuff. We all look rich. Even the people in RVs have more wealth than he could imagine.
My kiddo is too young to understand mental health but I see the trauma in his eyes. To add to it, daily he deals with so many challenges: school, making friends, finding a job, learning and adjusting to life in the US and not being able to give his family a hug. All this weighs on this kid, yet he still wakes up every morning at 7:30, goes to school, sits through classes spoken in English, attends tutoring and then comes home. He will persevere. Every day he has a new challenge thrown at him but he keeps moving forward and does what he can do with the hopes his mom, dad and siblings will join him in the United States.
They say, “It takes a village” and through Catholic Charities foster program, I have more support than I could imagine. At times, it is overwhelming, but at the end of the day I had a small part in protecting a child. Please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions. I don’t have all the answers but I’m happy to offer up what I do know.
Kellie Stafford is a fourth generation Palo Alto resident and can be reached at kellieinbarronpark@gmail.com.