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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: What’s Important about Valentine’s Day?

Uploaded: Feb 1, 2018
I’m going to share some thoughts about what is and is not important about Valentine’s Day. This is not a complete list. Add your thoughts and ideas as well.

Let’s begin with what’s not important:

Don’t let Valentine’s Day be only an annual show of your love and affection. Do that all year round. You’ll have a much happier, healthier relationship if your actions and words convey your love, care, respect, lust, and genuine friendship every day.

Valentine’s Day is to a large extent a “Hallmark” holiday. Gifts, candy, flowers and fancy dinners have become the expected means of celebrating the day. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those; unless you’re doing it because it’s expected. Is that who you are or how you want to express your love? I love roses and my husband brings them to me unexpectedly—and I love that.

Don’t get caught in the frenzy of Valentine’s Day by spending more than you want or can afford. Talk explicitly about a budget and be creative if you want to do gifts.

To the women reading this (because women are most often the recipients of these gifts): I am not trying to get your guy (or gal) not to celebrate you—I’m trying to get both of you to think about how you want to do so in a meaningful way to both of you that’s not just about following the crowd or spending money.

Okay, let’s talk about what is important:

Valentine’s Day is another day to value your beloved (I know, you’re showing that to each other every day anyway, right?).

You’re bestowing love upon your partner in his or her Love Language, right?

You’re bestowing love in her or his Sex Language, right?

Valentine’s Day is an opportunity to create rituals of your own that you can cherish year to year and add to over time. Your rituals can be outside of the expected Valentine’s gifts, dinners, etc. You can do small, medium or large things for each other; you can mix it up from year to year. For example, my husband and I like to have a little getaway.

Show care to a single friend at Valentine’s Day, too. Let him/her know she’s loved, too. Maybe you’ll throw a party and invite a bunch of single friends so they’re not alone or at bars or clubs for V-Day. Up to you.

The important thing about Valentine’s Day is that it’s another day to celebrate your beloved in a slightly more special way. But show your love every day. Have fun.
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 +  Like this comment
Posted by ElaineB, a resident of Duveneck/St. Francis,
on Feb 1, 2018 at 1:31 pm

ElaineB is a registered user.

I particularly like the idea of throwing a party for one's single friends. Thanks.

 +  Like this comment
Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Feb 1, 2018 at 3:52 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

You're welcome, Elaine.

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