A Palo Alto High School graduate has launched a project to collect video, audio and written testimonies from other alumni to share a message with current students: Life gets better.

Jessica Feinberg, now in her first year at Smith College in Massachusetts, said she felt helpless being far away from her hometown this year and the recent student deaths by suicide. She was hearing the same from fellow Palo Alto graduates, now scattered across the country, and that they all wanted to do something to help.

So earlier this month, she posted her idea for an alumni testimonial project on Facebook, inviting anyone interested in sharing their experiences with mental health – “whether it’s their own story or how they were affected by friends, and testify that your life is truly not defined by your academic or social success in Palo Alto schools and that things actually do improve,” she wrote – to email her.

Within five days, she had 70 alumni on board.

“We think alumni have really great things to say because it can be hard to reflect on anything (when) you’re going through it,” Feinberg said. “We’re hoping that alumni can provide a perspective that is not accessible to current students yet – testimony that it does get better. Life gets better. While we all still deal with mental health issues, we know how to deal with them in a healthy and constructive way.”

Feinberg worked extensively on mental health issues and suicide prevention during her time at Paly, serving as a member of youth well-being coalition Project Safety Net and restarting the school’s Queer Straight Alliance, among other efforts. She’s returning to Palo Alto this summer for an internship with the school district focused on suicide prevention and community-building research.

She also worked on a project called “My Story,” which focused on creating videos of current high school students telling their stories with the goal of reducing stigma around mental health, empowering teens and building community. Feinberg sees “Life Gets Better” as an extension of that – and with the same purpose.

Some of the students, community members and district staff who were part of that project are now helping to coordinate the “Life Gets Better” initiative, including faith community member Penny Barrett, district nurse Linda Lenoir and Becky Sanders, Midpeninsula Media Arts Center director of programming. Paly graduates Julia Tachibana and Taylor Chiu (both class of 2005) have also joined the project.

The group plans to collect and review submissions and then post them on a website that will be continually updated. Submissions can be anonymous if people would like, Feinberg said, but she’s also collecting emails of any alumni willing to be contacted by current students who might want support or to talk.

“As Teddy Roosevelt once said, ‘In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing,'” Feinberg’s initial Facebook post reads. “And another Roosevelt (FDR) said, ‘There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still.’ Let us stop standing still now.”

Any Paly or Gunn High School graduates who are interested in participating can email lifegetsbetterpaloalto@gmail.com.

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22 Comments

  2. While I read this there is a flashing “Yes on A” sign on the site. Much of the below is copied from another thread, but it is relevant here too.

    I am offended to my absolute core that we are running high schools that are so depressogenic that we need ot have an “It Gets Better” campaign to encourage our students not to take their own lives as if attending a PAUSD high school is equivalent to being subjected to anti-gay harassment.

    PALO ALTO WAKE UP. Our basal rate of suicide is 20 times the national norm. Our students are literally crying out for help. The school board rep (not a group usually known for its criticism of the district) from Paly wrote an excruciating indictment of the district educational practices. Doctors from the Bay Area including the entire PAMF pediatrics department are pleading with the school board to reform those practices to protect our student health. Now people have literally started an “It Gets Better” campaign aimed at telling kids don’t worry about how sleep deprived and miserable you are now, when you leave Paly or Gunn it will all be a bad dream. Just hold on for a few years and you can survive this. Are you kidding me? YOU CAN SURVIVE OUR SCHOOLS?

    These alums and community members mean well but this just highlights the absurd situation we are now in.

    Does democratic oversight of our school system have any meaning at all?

    Let me say why I will vote no on Measure A.

    1. There are very few means available to parents to send a message about the overall management of the district that do not involve a risk of retaliation. Measure A is a secret ballot, so it is possible to send a message without that fear. Like the surprise fact that Ken Dauber came in first in the election, Measure A is likely to fail because parents will take this opportunity to send a secret ballot negative message about the overall running of the district.

    2. There is no downside. This is a tax increase occurring a year ahead of its actual need. The reason they are running the campaign now is so that if it fails they have a margin to do it again next year before the money is actually needed. So let them run it again next year, having received the message that they need to do more to protect our children from dying of suicide. Hopefully having received that message, and chastened by it, they will do a better job and re-run the campaign next time. The cost will be the cost of the campaign which is negligible compared to the human toll the suicides are taking on the entire community.

    3. It will work. If the district loses Measure A and has to re-run the tax next year or face dire fiscal consequences then everyone will understand how serious it is to get this right. The sense of urgency around suicide that is lacking (as Carolyn says, the time for action is right now, yet we are still being treated to proposals for Singaporean junkets, unnecessary district staff to ramp up yet more competition for “publishing in scientific journals — as if anyone in high school needs to do that — and endless achievement slidedecks. The day after a child dies no less. That was indecent and it won’t change without consequences.

    Believe me losing Measure A will be wake up call. And the best part is that it is a free wake up call, since they can just re-run the campaign next year, when it actually matters, and when they have shown that they are listening to Carolyn and making the changes that are long overdue.

    4. It is the one thing that hasn’t been tried. We have seen over the past 5 years multiple political campaigns, organizations, parent groups, PTAC efforts, policy proposals, doctor letters, organized efforts by Stanford faculty, a mass exodus of parents leaving the district, seven or eight federal investigations into bullying and harassment, and a massive negative media situation. Our board has proved remarkably impervious to political pressure. They don’t care about parent views.

    You know what they do care about? Money. Green stuff. Benjamins. They care about that. So let’s take that, in this easy risk free envelope from the Secretary of State, and check the NO box. Then write in sharpee at the bottom the names of the children who have died.

    #RightNow

  3. Hey editor it wasn’t a duplicate post. I had a bunch of text at the top of the post about why this is an embarrassing idea. Then I said it was mostly a duplicate post but relevant here too. But here, if you like, I will edit it so that it is not duplicate, though that seems purposefully intended to thwart a reasonable purpose. Anyway the message below is DIFFERENT. SO IT IS NOT COPIED ANYMORE. SO DON’T DELETE IT PLEASE.

    BY THE WAY I DON’T SEE YOU DELETING MARC VINCENTE’S REPEATED IDENTICAL POSTS. SO if you are going to do this, please do it fairly and evenly.

    I think that this idea is well-intended but we should not have high schools that are so dangerous and depressogenic that they are the equivalent of anti-gay bullying (the genesis of the It Gets Better Campaign).

    We need to address the root issues, which are addressed so eloquently by Carolyn Walworth (see other thread).

    I am personally going to vote no on Measure A. I can use this to send a message to the school board and I urge you to do the same. My reasons are that:

    A. There are very few means available to parents to send a message about the overall management of the district that do not involve a risk of retaliation. Measure A is a secret ballot, so it is possible to send a message without that fear.

    B. There is no downside. This is a tax increase occurring a year ahead of its actual need. The reason they are running the campaign now is so that if it fails they have a margin to do it again next year before the money is actually needed. So let them run it again next year, having received the message that they need to do more to protect our children from dying of suicide.

    C. It will work. If the district loses Measure A and has to re-run the tax next year or face dire fiscal consequences then everyone will understand how serious it is to get this right. The sense of urgency around suicide that is lacking (as Carolyn says, the time for action is right now).

    D. It is the one thing that hasn’t been tried. We have seen over the past 5 years multiple political campaigns, organizations, parent groups, PTAC efforts, policy proposals, doctor letters, organized efforts by Stanford faculty, a mass exodus of parents leaving the district, seven or eight federal investigations into bullying and harassment, and a massive negative media situation. Our board has proved remarkably impervious to political pressure.

    You know what they do care about? Money. So let’s take that, in this easy risk free envelope from the Secretary of State, and check the NO box. Then write in sharpee at the bottom the names of the children who have died.

    #RightNow

  4. I think this is a great idea. One of the main problems is this culture that tells students that all that matters is achievement/grades/SATs what college you get into etc etc etc. Hearing from adults who went through tough times in high school and get through it is a great idea.

    I think showing kids that there are many paths to success and also that APs/Grades/SATs aren’t even the most important predictors of success is important.

    My friend Eva wrote a post that I shared on here a while back called “APs make you look complacent, no curious” http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/aps-make-you-look-complacent-not-curious that got pretty popular that showed examples of people who were very successful and do what they love who didn’t take every AP offered and didn’t go to an Ivy League school. There were just two examples in that post but I think kids need more examples so hearing from alumni is a great idea.

    I also think hearing from examples of students who really pursued their passions and did not just focus on GPA and how that lead to success would be a good thing for students to hear. Inherent passions give meaning to life. People who are successful are often driven by something. Everyone knows the examples of people like Steve Jobs who dropped out of college and didn’t feel the need to hoop jump to get into a predefined job that society/parents defined as valuable. But I think it would be good to have more examples of everyday people who followed their interests and didn’t just focus on GPA. Another post Eva wrote after the first one got so popular was about playing to your strengths and knowing there are many ways to succeed. http://www.thehappytalent.com/blog/forget-dada-professor-moody-should-be-a-college-counselor . She framed it in the context of a Harry Potter plot which I think is cool.

    Anyways way to go Jessica Feinberg. I like what you are doing. It’s great that people like you are trying to show your peers that life isn’t all about GPA and the things students at your high school stress out over.

  5. I applaud Jessica’s effort and want to bring to the attention of students and parents a just-published book by The New York Times columnist Frank Bruni: Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be.
    You can also read online Bruni’s recent Op Ed piece, which presents his ideas in short form, and a review of his book in The NYTimes Book Review (March 25) by Mark A. Sandage.

    As a tutor who works with students, including on college application essays, I try to emphasize that attending a prestigious college is essential neither for a good education nor a good life. But then I’m an adult, so my “wisdom” may be suspect! Being able to read what their peers write will resonate more deeply with many students.

    If only Romeo and Juliet had been able to avail themselves of good peer advice!

  6. There’s already an awesome Facebook group with the same intention– Gunn & Paly Alumni for Current Students — with over 2500 members. There has been an outpouring of sharing stories, ideas, strategies for surviving high school, etc. I encourage current students to check it out. It was started and is moderated by Jonathan Shue, a “survivor,” who created the group out of the same frustrations and desire to help. It’s basically an “It gets better” kind of group, but also a resource for current students.
    Jessica might want to correspond with Jonathan about combining their efforts or at least linking them…

  7. As someone who recently graduated from Paly and endured the previous string of Palo Alto student suicides, I find this campaign well-intended, but grossly unhelpful.

    I know Jessica means well, but I find it excruciatingly painful that we have to start a campaign which suggests that life during high school in Palo Alto is horrible — akin to anti-gay harassment. I really loved my HS years and thoroughly enjoyed my experience at Paly. *Of course* courses were at times stressful and peer/community pressure to succeed was rampant, but those issues do not detract from the fact that I formed some of my most valuable friendships and experiences during my HS years. I look back on my time at Paly very fondly, and am very thankful and proud to have been raised in Palo Alto.

    I acknowledge that many students find the HS environment in Palo Alto stressful and overly-taxing. At times, I felt this way too, and recognize that expectations which contribute to such stress need to be re-calibrated across the community — by parents, teachers, and students themselves. But I think I speak for many students when I say that I truly enjoyed my HS years in Palo Alto. The high schools in Palo Alto are rigorous, but they are not a sentence to depression. Starting a campaign which seems to suggest that HS in Palo Alto is a horrifying and dreadful experience is harmful and unhelpful for students who will soon enter our high schools. The last thing we want is for this negative perception to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    It would be tremendously more helpful if we focused on re-calibrating expectations which create this at-times stressful HS environment, rather than introducing a campaign to cope with such an environment.

    JL

  8. Let’s not cut off our nose to spite our face.

    If we fail to pass Measure A, the district will have to cut 85 staff. How will these cuts support the district’s efforts to address stress for students? Smaller class sizes make a huge difference for every child, but especially for kids who need extra support. (I know. I’m the mom of a very bright child with a learning disability. High quality teachers and small class sizes have helped her achieve her full potential.)Planned programs to provide the extra support for struggling students will not be possible without this funding.

    This attack on replacing the expiring parcel tax feels more like an emotional reaction than an informed and rational response. I feel your pain, but I plan to vote in favor of Measure A. Our existing parcel tax contributes 7% of the PAUSD’s budget. That tax expires this year. I have read the budget. The district needs this money to support our math, science, arts, social sciences, tech, and music programs…to maintain and STAFF our school libraries…to recruit and retain excellent teaching staff in all subject areas. Most importantly, they need it to maintain small class sizes and support for underachieving students.

    This is about funding the PEOPLE on our district staff who provide the educational services and support that well-balanced children need. In this important moment, BECAUSE of this year’s tragedies, I think it is essential now more than ever to vote YES on Measure A.

  10. Hi JL,

    Thank you so much for writing, and I completely understand your sentiments. However, as the sister of one of the boys who took his life (2003), a Paly grad myself, and a contributor to this project, I wanted to provide some clarification.

    For me too, despite some of the hardships I endured as a teenager, I look back on Paly fondly, especially for its level of support for me and my family during difficult times. Also, I know it’s because of Paly’s high expectations and the terrific academics that it offers that I have been as successful as I have been in certain areas of my life. PAUSD provides terrific training for the work that comes after high school (whether it’s in corporate, education, the arts, etc.), and I am most definitely grateful to have grown up in this district.

    The “Life Gets Better” project doesn’t aim to take away from that. The emphasis is that for youth EVERYWHERE, there are struggles. There are some that are unique to Palo Alto residents, but not all of them are just PA-oriented – they are universal. If someone currently attending Paly or Gunn is experiencing mental distress, it just helps to know the person you are connecting with actually went to your school. Without pronouncing that, there is no initial commonality between the alumni and student, and this might discourage a student from reaching out. Therefore, we are purposefully putting ourselves forth as Paly/Gunn alumni.

    I think the problem might be the title of the project, which I actually had some reservations about. Given the situation, we felt it was best to get this project up and rolling sooner than later, so it is what it is for now. I’m sure the group would be open to suggestions if someone had other ideas. No official site has been set up yet, so I’m sure there’s room for discussion.

    Feel free to reach out by email,
    Julia Tachibana
    Paly class of 2005
    jtachibana@ucdavis.edu

  11. I completely agree with Gunn Mom. I think (or hope) that everyone on this thread wants to support our students attending PAUSD schools. The one way not to support our students is to oppose Measure A. Measure A will continue funding that allows Palo Alto schools to have smaller class sizes, more electives (including arts and music), and more help for at risk and struggling students that most other public school districts in California. It’s a key element to making Palo Alto’s school system one of the best in the state and in the nation. If you don’t like the way the school district is handling a certain issue, you can contact the superintendent or one or more of the school board members. Or you can speak at a school board meeting and rally others to join you. But an anonymous vote against Measure A? That won’t accomplish anything except hurt our kids if enough other people vote the same way. So whatever you do, don’t oppose Measure A – not if what you really care about is the well-being of Palo Alto students.

  13. It is very good to hear from Alumni point out that there is life after Paly.

    However it would be really much better if there was life while AT Paly. For all the students.

    #RightNow

  14. The response above from “do right” is EXACTLY why I will VOTE NO ON MEASURE A.

    This is just a bunch of cut and paste PR from the district’s overpaid consultant. Did you tell your consultant, “uh oh, better re-run the poll because we have four dead kids now that we didn’t have when you took it?” If not, I think you are in for a surprise. People are mad as hell and not going to take it any more.

    This is not cutting off anyone’s nose. Voting NO ON A is a way to send a costless message to Max McGee and the school board that we need to stop business as usual. Our children are dying. Our schools are making them sick. Read Carolyn Walworth’s oped and then tell me your PR statement about how PAUSD helps struggling students. PAUSD helps struggling students? That sound you hear is the sound of 1000 people marking their ballots “HELL NO.”

    PAUSD creates struggling students. We need to send a message.

    To reiterate:

    1. There are very few means available to parents to send a message about the overall management of the district that do not involve a risk of retaliation. Measure A is a secret ballot, so it is possible to send a message without that fear.

    2. There is no downside. This is a tax increase occurring a year ahead of its actual need. The reason they are running the campaign now is so that if it fails they have a margin to do it again next year before the money is actually needed. So let them run it again next year, having received the message that they need to do more to protect our children from dying of suicide.

    3. It will work. If the district loses Measure A and has to re-run the tax next year or face dire fiscal consequences then everyone will understand how serious it is to get this right. The sense of urgency around suicide that is lacking (as Carolyn says, the time for action is right now).

    4. It is the one thing that hasn’t been tried. We have seen over the past 5 years multiple political campaigns, organizations, parent groups, PTAC efforts, policy proposals, doctor letters, organized efforts by Stanford faculty, a mass exodus of parents leaving the district, seven or eight federal investigations into bullying and harassment, and a massive negative media situation. Our board has proved remarkably impervious to political pressure.

    Send a message to save our children #rightnow. Vote No on Measure A.

  15. “If you don’t like the way the school district is handling a certain issue, you can contact the superintendent or one or more of the school board members.”

    Sorry, but until the superintendent and the board see fit to replace the grossly underperforming Assistant Superintendent, Head of Student Services, and District Nurse, I will vote No.

    The reality is that parents have less say in a the school district – which is set up as a governmental structure for local control – than they do in their state government. The last time suggested improvements in the educational program that would have enabled more individualized instruction without additional costs, I was basically told if I didn’t like things as they were, they would be happy to help us leave, and the very odious Assistant Superintendent would help show us the door.

    #RightNow is right, this bond is a year in advance of when they really need something passed. If it is voted down, it will give them at least some pause as it has in the past, and they will come back and ask again. If they don’t ask again, then families should be ready to recall the administrators. So, no worries.

    In fact, I would say to Right Now: if the bond is voted down, go to the district with some kind of proposal to give the local community some say when there are problems beyond just pleading for years and years, and those who are willing to put energy into improving things are shown the door by a few overpaid puffed up incompetents who should have left long ago.

  16. This school district is in serious, serious trouble. Now that Palo Alto pediatricians have called for less stress, the school district is actually facing massive legal liabilities.

    Voting NO on A will send them a bit of a message. It’s not much, but it’s a start.

    Will it require the cutting of 85 people? GREAT! That is an effective warning. If they get sued for negligence…which now a real possibility — this could result in the firing of hundreds, and the closure of entire schools.

  17. I will vote YES on Measure A to send a message to my children, my community, and the school board that I care about student well-being, the needs of struggling students, and excellent education. That’s what Measure A is about. Elections aren’t free — they cost hard dollars and a tremendous amount of time and effort by countless numbers of volunteers. We need ONE election to support our schools and our students, and then use the money and energy to do the hard work of providing the best environment and education for our kids.

  18. You’re invited to sign:

    “AN OPEN LETTER TO THE SCHOOL BOARD AND SUPERINTENDENT”

    It concerns the lives of our teens, and will occupy a full page in next Friday’s “Weekly.”

    To read it and decide whether you’d like to sign, visit: http://www.savethe2008.com.

    HURRY! The window to sign closes Monday at noon (the day after tomorrow, 3/30).

  19. We are so grateful for the outpouring of support for our project. We are still drafting up submission guidelines, but for now, if you are interested in submitting a story, you can start off by filling out this form: http://goo.gl/forms/Fh30dVTb2c. We will follow up with you shortly with more information!

  21. So we’re saying “Don’t worry, this horrific educational environment you’re stuck in will end one day and then your life will be better”

    Very very interesting.

  22. Just for the record, the message my kids received when they were in high school was “These are the best years of your life”. Quite a contrast in messages. I truly feel sorry for PA kids 🙁

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