Review: 'Secretariat'

(Two-and-a-half stars)

(To the tune of "Mister Ed":)

We've had us a film about a horse.

"Seabiscuit" got Oscar nods, of course.

So another race horse on us they'll force: "Secretariat"!

Directed by him that wrote "Braveheart"

But written by somebody else, with "heart":

Disney schmaltz, more "pop" than art ..."Secretariat"!

Diane Lane's the dame, the horse she'll claim as Penny Chenery;

For eccentric kitsch, John Malkovich, a trainer with esprit!

Middle-classy docudrama's fine,

And "I Am Woman" as theme defined,

She shows the malign she'll win ev'ry time, with Secretariat!

A spoiler alert: so eyes avert!

The horse and his mistress hit pay dirt.

Though Failure flirts, a Triple Crown spurt for Secretariat!

People yakkity yak a streak; cliches they do accrue

If only they were like Mister Ed, and talked like real people do!

Phony suspense and corn perforce,

The flick serves sports "history" as main course.

But for fam'ly fun, do I endorse?

Well, listen to this:

See "Secretariat."

Rated PG for brief mild language. 2 hours, 2 minutes.

— Peter Canavese

We can't do it without you.
Support local journalism.


Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Don't be the last to know

Get the latest headlines sent straight to your inbox every day.

If you do nothing else, do These Three Things
By Sherry Listgarten | 43 comments | 2,230 views

Lentil Brownies
By Laura Stec | 5 comments | 663 views

Finding Balance
By Cheryl Bac | 0 comments | 338 views

Reflections on Pal0 Alto's Centennial -- now it's the city's 125th birthday!
By Diana Diamond | 2 comments | 100 views


Vote now!

It's time once again to cast your vote for the best places to eat, drink, shop and spend time in Palo Alto. Voting is open now through May 27. Watch for the results of our 2019 Best Of contest on Friday, July 19.