Dating/Dating Profile: Say What You Are Looking For | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Dating/Dating Profile: Say What You Are Looking For

Uploaded: Jan 14, 2022
I absolutely recommend that a person put in their dating profile what they’re looking for. Explicit, caring communication is the foundation for long-lasting, happy, healthy relationships. You don’t have to worry about scaring someone off by stating your relationship desire because if s/he is not on the same page, you might as well know immediately. Wouldn’t you rather know now what a potential date’s long-term plans are? If you want marriage, and the other person wants a fling, why waste both of your time?

As a person looking for someone on a dating site, be very clear in your mind and heart what your must-haves--and especially what your must-not haves--are. Then be flexible. Yes, that’s contradictory, but maybe you want someone without kids, but s/he turns out to match all the rest of your must and must-not haves. Is it an insurmountable issue? Only you can answer.

All of this applies to dating when you meet off-line--in the real world. Be transparent, think out loud, and so on. If your goal is to have an emotionally connected relationship, then behave that way from the get-go.

Keep in mind that people are “selling” in the beginning of a relationship. You’re seeing their best behavior, physically and emotionally. Additionally, when people begin dating and like each other, the brain begins to be flooded with happy hormones that wear off within 24 months. During these early months, people may be unaware of or in denial about red flags. Pay attention! Trust yourself if red or pink flags pop up.

Most people go from one relationship to the next with their same behaviors (unless you do the hard work on yourself to change). You may have noticed that you keep running into the same issues with people. Look at yourself first.

All of this is why therapists recommend waiting at least two years to get engaged.

What is it worth to you?


There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.



Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Palo Alto Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

Backhaus in Burlingame finally opens for the holiday rush
By The Peninsula Foodist | 0 comments | 2,832 views

Burning just one "old style" light bulb can cost $150 or more per year
By Sherry Listgarten | 11 comments | 2,656 views

Fun Things to Do Around the Bay This Holiday – Peninsula Edition
By Laura Stec | 8 comments | 2,443 views

Banning the public from PA City Hall
By Diana Diamond | 25 comments | 1,991 views

Premiere! “I Do I Don’t: How to build a better marriage” – Here, a page/weekday
By Chandrama Anderson | 2 comments | 1,113 views


Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund

For the last 30 years, the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund has given away almost $10 million to local nonprofits serving children and families. 100% of the funds go directly to local programs. It’s a great way to ensure your charitable donations are working at home.