Premarital and Couples: I look like THAT??!! | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: I look like THAT??!!

Uploaded: Jul 23, 2021
I’m certain I have blind spots I don’t know about--that’s what makes them blind. I hope my husband, family, and friends will tell me (kindly and calmly) about my blind spots.

I’m certain you have blind spots, too.

You can ask people you’re close to about them. You can dig them up on your own. You might dig them faster with a therapist. It’s completely up to you.

It’s possible you aren’t aware of how you come off to others at times. That’s human. I believe that to commit to doing better, is within you.

One way to become aware of your own blind spots is very simple--and may be hard to take! When you find yourself going off on someone, using “You” statements (e.g., “You never pay attention to what I say”, or “You _____, _____, and ______”), hold a hand mirror up in front of your face, and say it exactly the same: to yourself.

This won’t be fun. Be kind to yourself, and wonder what you can learn.
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