Premarital and Couples: “Marriage is not just spiritual communion . . . | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: “Marriage is not just spiritual communion . . .

Uploaded: Jul 8, 2021
it is also remembering to take out the trash.” Joyce Brothers

Marriage is sacred and also mundane. It's easy to lose sight of one or the other of those. Think about using the word AND in your relationship.

Joy and struggle.
Happiness and work.
Playfulness and chores.
Wanting and needing.
Receiving and giving.
Serious and funny.
Frustrating and fulfilling.
Disappointing and comforting.
Love and need.
Sexual and sensuous.
Loud and quiet.
Hilarious and challenging.
Exuberant and painful.
Bills and bills and fun things to do together.
Intimate and challenging.

Add your own AND sentences.

The value of AND is that it allows you to be your authentic self. That’s when your inside and outside align. You don’t have to be perfect (no one is—and the effort/energy to reach perfect is much better used toward emotional intimacy). You have to let your true self out in your relationship; otherwise, who gets loved? Your persona or mask. And that’s a lose AND lose for both of you.

You can take baby steps toward being authentic. Be transparent with your beloved. Let her/him know what you’re working on; ask for support.

Let me know how it’s going.

Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?


Posted by Consider Your Options. , a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood,
on Jul 12, 2021 at 5:16 pm

Consider Your Options. is a registered user.

Choosing to continue loving and living together for a lifetime requires daily acts of self-discipline that are well worth the effort.

Choosing words and actions with care and love, even in an argument, remembering that you are in this for the long haul...gets you to life's finish line with intact family and a wealth of love.

Keep your eyes on that prize through the inevitable mundane struggles that will also be part of your journey. It's worth it.

Posted by Jennifer, a resident of another community,
on Jul 12, 2021 at 6:20 pm

Jennifer is a registered user.

If you're cut out for marriage, and married to the right person... marriage isn't hard at all. Sadly, too many people aren't cut out for marriage (or a relationship) and they're married to the wrong person, and that's why the divorce rate is so high.

You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. And have a life outside the one you love.

Happily married to my college sweetheart a very long time!

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