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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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"What Did You Do?"

Uploaded: Apr 16, 2021
On a recent warm afternoon, I noticed a man riding his bike with a huge mixed bouquet of flowers in his basket. I watched as he turns north from Willow onto Middlefield, curious about who they are for (or had someone given them to him)?  I wondered how often he brings flowers home, and how they are received? Is this an occasion? Are friends coming for dinner? Was it an impulse buy?

I remember the story my husband once told me of buying flowers at the grocery store. When he got to the check stand, the cashier asked him, "What did you do?" The implication was that he had done something wrong, and that was why he was buying flowers – as atonement for a blunder of some sort.

Whenever I tell this story, people want to know, was the cashier a man? No, it was a woman.

Who buys flowers in your couple? When, and how come?
What is it worth to you?


Posted by Kevin, a resident of Castlewood,
on Apr 16, 2021 at 7:07 pm

Kevin is a registered user.

I buy flowers for my wife on Valentines and Mother's Day. I don't buy from a grocery store. I go big and buy the best I can afford in a real flower shop. I love my wife!

Posted by Mr. Julius, a resident of Downtown,
on Apr 20, 2021 at 10:19 am

Mr. Julius is a registered user.

In a 7-year relationship that ended a few years ago, I'd buy flowers 2-3 times a month. Not a rich guy, but I'd pick the freshest, most inspiring Costco offering. A way to show my love & lift spirits during trying times. Valentines Day was often two-dozen roses, chocolate covered strawberries, lamb for the grill, and Sicilian wine (her roots). ... sadly, after taking the 'night shift' in helping care for her terminally ill mother for about 2 years, the ex claimed the flowers were guilty gifts because I was having random affairs. (When? *shrug*) Caretaker needs met, LTR *poof*. Oh well.

Years ago I used to buy these amazing flowers at the San Francisco Flower Mart. They were like a tall tulip, off white with streaks of red. Bringing them home they would be droopy... put them in water... in the morning they were dramatic, turning left, right, and upward like Methuselah's hair! If anyone knows the name, please share.

Posted by John V, a resident of Cuesta Park,
on Apr 20, 2021 at 10:08 pm

John V is a registered user.

I've heard this a surprising number of times over my 25 year marriage! When they say "What did you do?" I say "I married a wonderful woman".

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Apr 27, 2021 at 7:27 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Kevin, Mr. Julius, and John,

Thanks for sharing your stories with all of us. I'm touched.


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