"To a man, talk is work; to a woman it's reward." | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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"To a man, talk is work; to a woman it's reward."

Uploaded: Jan 29, 2021
"Men talk . . . all the time . . . in normal daily intercourse, men never shut up . . . Three men building a stone wall. Talk, talk, talk. . . On and on . . . Ad nauseam . . . When they finish and it's time to relax, that's when they shut up. Have you ever seen workmen eating lunch? . . . Not one word. With women it's exactly the opposite. We get down to work, and . . all business, only shorthand talk allowed . . . But when the pies are in the oven, they sit down with their cups of tea and the fun begins. To a man, talk is work; to a woman it's reward."

- From the novel "Three Stages of Amazement" by Carol Edgarian

I found this quite striking and wonder what you think?

We know from research that men do "side-by-side" talk (e.g., while a ball game is on and they are sitting next to each other, playing golf, during an activity). Women have "face-to-face" talk (sitting down facing one another or in a group of friends to talk about things).

What, then, is couple's talk? Cross-gender talk? Is it this simple why it can be difficult for men and women to talk? Timing? Activity or not? Where you sit?

I propose you and your partner devise a few experiments for talking. Try talking while walking; while sitting side-by-side; while face-to-face; while doing an activity or chore. Try them more than once since there are so many potentially impacting influences (tired, in a hurry, more or less open at the moment, etc.). See what happens.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

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