Premarital and Couples: What's Your Story? | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Premarital and Couples: What's Your Story?

Uploaded: Nov 6, 2020
If you are like many couples, you may think and act as if your partner learned and experienced life exactly as you did. And therefore s/he should react in the "right," "normal," or "expected" way.

Are you surprised, incensed, or astounded at how he or she reacts to behavior or words that seems different than what you grew up with?

He or she held a different tail (tale) growing up. Neither is better, right or wrong. Just different. "Normal." Whether or not your family was functional or dysfunctional (or some of both), your family system seems "right" to you.

I contend that you must question your own tail/tale in order to be available to your partner's tale. Be exceptionally curious about your partner's tail/tale, too.

What did you learn growing up that works for you? What did you learn that works fine outside the home, but does not work in your personal relationship? Question everything -- but please start with yourself and your fast-held perspectives.

You might have to drop the tail in front of you to gain more perspective.

What tale do you want to create together?

Image from childrenstorytales.com
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