Keep in mind the washer tool: imagine there is a string attached to each of your mouths with a metal washer on it. As you talk, it pushes the washer toward the other's mouth. The goal is to generally have the washer in the middle. So check in and ask your partner questions as you're talking.
Here's the list:
Tell me more . . .
Say more about that . . .
What does that mean to you?
How are you feeling?
What are you feeling in your body?
I’m curious about . . .
What is most important in what you’re telling me?
What do you know in yourself about that?
[Repeat back a word or two You’re feeling (sad, anxious, confused) . . . ?
What does your expression/body posture mean [maybe describe what you see?
Can you go deeper with that . . .
How does that play out between us?
How does that show up in our relationship?
That must be [hard, sad, etc. . . .
I’m trying to get a felt-sense of that, can you describe it more . . .
Notice how you each feel as you begin to ask open ended questions. Be patient with yourselves, and keep trying.