Premarital and Couples: A: "We worked hard at it."

Question to long-married couples asked by Randy Pausch, author of The Last Lecture was "How were you able to stay together?"

Randy Pausch was a computer science professor and when diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer decided to give a last lecture — about life. The lecture and his book were for his kids, and for his wife.

I hope you will not only work hard at your relationship, but work smart on it; and have fun along the way.

One of the reasons I liked The Last Lecture is that it was written by a "geek" who truly accepted himself as he was, and worked to make changes both small and large to help improve his relationship with his wife. Randy learned the "foreign language" of the emotional life, and integrated his left-brain strength with his right-brain.

Many of the couples I have the privilege to work with, being here in Silicon Valley, are an engineer and a non-engineer (although both may be engineers). All of us benefit by being integrated within ourselves; it is then easier to create a secure attachment with your partner, to be inter-dependent.