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Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Couples: Life Can Change on a Dime

Uploaded: Jan 4, 2019
Readers, let me begin by saying that I'm fine. Yesterday instead of seeing my wonderful clients, I spent the morning and early afternoon in the ER. I was newly diagnosed with atrial fibrillation.

My heart had been pounding for several hours during the night, but I was able to sleep at last. But in the morning when I took my dog out, I was out of breath and faint, and realized I couldn't stand on my own. It was one of those moments in which I knew as soon as I called the advice nurse I'd be heading to the ER.

My husband took me to Kaiser and stayed with me, even though I had the best care possible. I told him it was okay for him to go to work and I got the "look" that said he wasn't going anywhere :-) Well, except to the cafeteria to get breakfast for me.

Not that I faced my own mortality yesterday, but we have an American aversion to facing our mortality and death in general. But the truth is we'll be here for a time, and then we won't.

What do you value? What do you want to do with your time here? How do you want to treat your beloved and be treated by her/him? What do you want to teach your children? What will you regret at the end of your days if you don't do certain things? What matters to you? How do you want to make an impact--on even one person?

If you haven't yet, learn the language of feelings and let people in your life know you love and care about them--or are annoyed by a behavior. Be your authentic self at home and at work; that way people can love who you actually are and appreciate you.

If your life or relationships need work, get to it--today.

Thank you for reading my posts, it means so much to me. I hope they help you navigate your relationships.

It's a little intimidating to share this health issue with you, but I plan to follow my own advice and be authentic and transparent.

Happy New Year!
Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?


Posted by ElaineB, a resident of Duveneck/St. Francis,
on Jan 4, 2019 at 11:27 am

ElaineB is a registered user.

Thank you for being vulnerable and transparent. You are an excellent model.

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jan 4, 2019 at 12:19 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Thanks Elaine.

Posted by Rachel G, a resident of Rex Manor,
on Jan 5, 2019 at 3:29 pm

Rachel G is a registered user.

I DO find your posts valuable -- I read all of them and try to listen to your advice and put it into action. Thank you for taking such a kind approach to helping us with challenges most of us face in our lives. I'm glad your health issue wasn't too serious.

Posted by Judymoe, a resident of Menlo Park: Park Forest,
on Jan 5, 2019 at 5:30 pm

Judymoe is a registered user.

I know how frightening an AFib attack can be, and hope that you're on the mend. Thank you for sharing and reminding us of the importance of NOW.

Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jan 7, 2019 at 1:00 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Hi Judymoe and Rachel,

Thanks for your kind words.

Posted by GPS: It Will Save Your Marriage!, a resident of Adobe-Meadow,
on Mar 7, 2019 at 6:30 am

GPS: It Will Save Your Marriage! is a registered user.

Yes, sometimes if a question is just downright rude, it may be fitting to respond in the same manner. Just a few months ago I was asked by a woman in the check-out lane behind us if my son was my "real" child (he is biracial but looks mostly African American).

Posted by, a resident of Carlton Oaks,
on Mar 22, 2019 at 1:54 am is a registered user.

useful and interesting article, found a lot of useful information, glad to join your community!

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