Couples: My New Best Friend; Giving and Receiving | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples: My New Best Friend; Giving and Receiving

Uploaded: Aug 23, 2018
Here's my new best friend, Bixby. Hey readers, I've been busy the last couple of weeks. My husband had a concert in San Anselmo (he's a tenor in a choir), and we visited old friends (I met some of them when I was 12 and already knew I wanted to be a writer). Monday I took a trip to rescue our new dog, Bixby. He's Papillon.

We live in a culture that makes it more comfortable to give than receive. But it can be backwards in primary relationships, where one of you does most of the giving and the other may not even be aware of the imbalance. I'm not asking you to keep score, but pay attention and get things back on track.

Giving comes in so many forms. Think of the 5 Love Languages: quality time, touch, acts of service, words of affirmation and gifts. Find out which are your beloved's love language(s) and give in those -- even if it's out of your comfort zone.

My husband has a herniated disc and isn't supposed to drive more than 30 minutes. He carpooled to Marin as much as possible, but I drove him the other times to help care for him. The week before concert (known as "hell week") includes rehearsals Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and the concert on Sunday. Phew. Like I said, I've been busy. And yes, I've gotten lots of care back in my love languages.

Getting a new dog was another chance to work with giving and receiving. Our other dog died in April of 2017. Neither of us wanted to get another dog for a while; we were grieving and too sad. In the last five or six months I've been wanting a dog again, but my husband wasn't ready. I guess I'd been bringing it up more often recently because we ended up sitting down to talk it over. My husband is a huge dog lover, too.

He said he was driving to work one morning a few weeks ago and said to himself out loud: "Chandrama hardly asks for anything. Of course we can get a dog." So he called to tell me, and Bixby showed up the VERY next day on Petfinder!

Bixby is on his bed nearby as I write to you. Dogs know all about giving and receiving. It's unconditional.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?


There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get fact-based reporting on the COVID-19 crisis sent to your inbox daily.

'A devastating impact:' The coronavirus claims Clarke's Charcoal Broiler, Mountain View's oldest operating restaurant
By Elena Kadvany | 29 comments | 11,720 views

Coronavirus Food Safety Update + New! Insider Tips
By Laura Stec | 7 comments | 4,713 views

A Pragmatic Approach to A Trillion Trees
By Sherry Listgarten | 2 comments | 3,375 views

The University of California’s flexible policies during COVID-19
By John Raftrey and Lori McCormick | 6 comments | 2,314 views

Repairing a Disagreement with your Beloved & “Physical” vs. “Social” Distancing
By Chandrama Anderson | 1 comment | 2,138 views



The 34th Annual Palo Alto Weekly Short Story Contest is now accepting entries for Adult, Young Adult and Teen categories. Send us your short story (2,500 words or less) and entry form by April 10, 2020. First, Second and Third Place prizes awarded in each category. Sponsored by Kepler's Books, Linden Tree Books and Bell's Books.

Contest Details