By Chandrama Anderson
E-mail Chandrama Anderson
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ... (More)
About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background in high-tech is helpful in understanding local couples' dynamics and the pressures of living here. I am a wife, mom, sister, friend, author, and lifelong advocate for causes I believe in (such as marriage equality). My parents are both deceased. My son graduated culinary school and is heading toward a degree in Sociology. I enjoy reading, hiking, water fitness, movies, 49ers and Stanford football, Giants baseball, and riding a tandem bike with my husband. I love the beach and mountains; nature is my place of restoration. In my work with couples, and in this blog, I combine knowledge from many fields to bring you my best ideas, tips, tools and skills, plus book and movie reviews, and musings to help you be your genuine self, find your own voice, and have a happy and healthy relationship. Don't be surprised to hear about brain research and business skills, self-soothing techniques from all walks of life, suggestions and experiments, and anything that lights my passion for couples. (Author and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Calif. Lic # MFC 45204.) (Hide)
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Saying nice things about your beloved behind his/her back is another way of putting positive energy into your relationship. You can even tell her you did so, and what you said.
Last week my husband sang in a choral group at Carnegie Hall.
This is where using the word amazing actually fits; this was definitely a peak experience.
My husband looked so handsome in his tux, and he was beaming with happiness. I could hear his voice now and again through the many voices and instruments of the orchestra. The music was incredible; I was mesmerized by the whole experience. My favorite piece was Te Deum by Allan Petker.
I was sitting in a box seat right near the stage so I had a great view of the choir, the instrumentalists, and conductors, but I was riveted watching my husband sing at Carnegie Hall. Surrounded by my three brothers-in-law, sister-in-law, surviving wife and her daughter of my husband’s dad, I could also see my last brother-in-law in the audience. It was a huge deal to have everyone travel to New York for the concert-to listen and support my husband.
Afterwards we went out into the 90 degree humid day and took the subway back to one of the brothers’ homes in Brooklyn for a celebration. And it was! More great company (sister-in-law, nieces and nephews and step-mom), a huge spread of food, and a view of the Manhattan skyline . . .
Everyone talked and laughed into the night. Once it cooled down we went out on the balcony to see the nearly full moon and the lights twinkle across the river.
I loved seeing my husband so happy. I took care of the logistics of our trip and invited everyone. He did all the rest. I’m so proud of him.
Allan Petker leads three choral groups in Southern California and one in San Anselmo: Consort Chorale in which my husband sings (25th Anniversary Concert "Jubilee Celebration"
Sunday, August 19, 2018 - 7 p.m. in case you’re interested).
Go say nice things about your spouse behind his/her back and tell him/her what you said.