Couples: Initiators and Implementors | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

Couples: Initiators and Implementors

Uploaded: Oct 12, 2017
I've noticed an issue between couples regarding one partner who is more an initiator or more an implementor. Or in some relationships, one is the initiator at home, and the other is the initiator in the work world. Whatever we are, we usually wish our partner were more what we are.

With further thought, how would it actually be if you were matched on this continuuim?

I see this a lot in relation to raising kids. Mom (most often) is super-attuned to the kids and what they need. That is great for the emotional health of the kids as it leads to secure attachment (as long as the parents aren't doing too much--or everything--for their kids since some difficulties in childhood lead to resiliency). The problem comes in that Mom wants Dad to be super-attuned to the needs of the kids AND be super-attuned to her perception of the needs of the kids. These are two different things.

Kids need a mom and a dad--and they parent differently; that's good for your kids actually.

But on the grander scale, who initiates in your relationship? Who implements what is initiated? Are you both on the same page about this? Are you doing it with a good heart, or because you don't want to rock the boat?
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get the most important local news stories sent straight to your inbox daily.

Craving B. Patisserie's perfect pastries? The San Francisco bakery is popping up in San Mateo next week
By Elena Kadvany | 0 comments | 9,873 views

Spend some quality time with your thermostat
By Sherry Listgarten | 11 comments | 3,519 views

Premarital and Couples: "Enchantment" by Guy Kawasaki
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 2,862 views

PA Police: Too drastic a decision on banning police information from public
By Diana Diamond | 6 comments | 2,343 views

Dry January Last Week? LOL
By Laura Stec | 0 comments | 2,175 views

 

Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund

For the last 26 years, the Palo Alto Weekly Holiday Fund has given away more than $7 million to local nonprofits serving children and families. When you make a donation, every dollar is automatically doubled, and 100% of the funds go directly to local programs. It’s a great way to ensure your charitable donations are working at home.

DONATE HERE