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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Couples: Crisis/Gratitude, Personal and Large Scale

Uploaded: Sep 28, 2017
Focus on gratitude in your relationship. Every day tell each other three things you’re grateful for about each other. Some can be what s/he did, while others can be about who s/he is as a person.

Here are a few examples:
1. I’m grateful for your kind heart.
2. I’m grateful for your thoughtful and emotional consideration when we have difficult decisions to make.
3. You’re a wonderful husband/wife/partner/mom/dad.
4. I’m grateful to be yours.
5. I’m grateful you’re mine.
6. I admire you for _________.
7. I’m grateful you took my car to the shop today.
8. I’m grateful for your help proofreading my novel. You’re good at it.

There have been several serious crises lately, one after another: Houston, Florida, Mexico City, Puerto Rico. Those are on a grand scale, affecting many people.

The issues in your relationship are personal, affecting both of you, plus your family and work. Even though your troubles are not on a grand scale, they are your concerns to deal with, resolve, and grow from. Please don’t downplay your relationship difficulties. Peace in the home can lead to peace in other spheres you are in. And we all need peace.

At times it seems easy to focus on what your beloved is doing or not doing, or not doing right. I pose this challenge to you: hold a mirror in front of your face, and ask yourself honestly and humbly what you could be doing differently or better. Then implement it.

For now, don’t worry about whether your partner is changing his/her behavior. Just focus on your own thoughts, feelings, actions, words and behaviors. No matter what happens in your marriage, your changed behavior will make you happier about yourself.

Rather than go through a litany of what’s wrong in your relationship, focus on what you’re grateful for. Focus on the strengths and positive parts of your marriage. You can work on your issues so much more easily when you’re not wearing s#!t-colored glasses.

As for the recent crises in the world, consider what you want to do to help those who have been hit with by the natural disasters, and if you have kids, get them involved in this process.

I am grateful for you, my readers.

I am grateful that you want to better your relationships and marriages; it gives me great hope for our world.

I am grateful for your curiosity and open minds.



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