Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all . . . | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all . . .

Uploaded: Jun 14, 2017
. . . to the relationship you're in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.
- Nick Cannon

It’s easy to lose sight of the present. You’re looking ahead, or looking back, and in truth, your beloved is right here, right now. Stripping away all your misconceptions of each other, see this beautiful person standing in front of you (I’m not talking about how s/he looks, but who s/he is).

This is the person you chose, who you love, who loves you. As Nick says, give each other every last drop of love you have.

Now, today, you can appreciate your partner and say words of affirmation out loud. Now you can touch in comforting, loving and sexy ways. Now you can spend time together, just the two of you, doing whatever you enjoy. Now you can do things for each other (e.g., I could tell my husband was having a lousy day and his printer wasn’t working at his field office, plus he always has a sore throat since cancer treatment. So I got a milkshake for him and went and fixed his printer); small (bring a coffee), medium (take the car to get washed), larger (plan a vacation and whisk him/her away). Now you can give each other gifts; small, medium or large.

Sure things have happened, and you’ve had to face yourself and your partner in ways that you didn’t expect. It’s common to pick someone who will bring up things you need to work through. Don’t sweat it; do the work.

If you want to look to the future, figure out what your dream in relationship looks like, and create it. That means taking action, not hoping it will come about.

Can you imagine an intimate, vulnerable, close, connected, communicative, sexual relationship? Great, go for it.

Most couples who come in for counseling have fallen into communication issues. They don’t talk, or they do, but feel misunderstood or as though their partner didn’t really listen or get it.

See your partner as who s/he is: the good, the bad, and the ugly, and love her/him. When you’re loved, it brings out the best in you. When you love, it brings out the best in you.
As I’ve written about before, curveballs have and will come your way. Joined with your beloved, you have what you need to get through whatever happens. It can be anything from a work issue, to parenting, to a health crisis, job loss, a death in the family . . . Stick together. Love each other up.

Nothing to lose, everything to gain.

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