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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength . . .

Uploaded: May 25, 2017
. . . while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
- Lao Tzu

I absolutely love this quote because it’s true, and gets to the heart of the matter in so few words.

You need both strength and courage in life. You need them individually, and as a couple. You need them with your kids, at work, and for all the curveballs coming your way (because that’s how life is).

Loving deeply may be attractive to you, or it may feel vulnerable. Being loved deeply may feel even more vulnerable—letting someone that close! S/he may see you—amazing, warts, and all. Maybe you don’t feel vulnerable at all when it comes to love.

Being seen and known and loved is what we all crave. The brain is wired for that. Unfortunately, the brain is also wired for “war” so you have to put your best foot forward—every day—to use the love part of the brain and let the war part fade into the background.

The war part of the brain is in the limbic, or emotionally triggered, second brain that evolved. And that trigger happens in 1/200th of a second! The choice to act on love and not war is in the cortical, or thinking, part of the third brain that evolved.

So loving deeply gives you the strength to be a better, more loving partner—the best you can be. And being loved deeply by your partner gives you courage to be vulnerable with him/her, and to allow that love in more fully every day. It’s a never-ending cycle that leads to more and more love.

Sounds good, huh?





Comments

 +   2 people like this
Posted by ElaineB, a resident of Duveneck/St. Francis,
on May 25, 2017 at 10:25 am

ElaineB is a registered user.

Excellent thoughts. Thank you.


 +   1 person likes this
Posted by the_punnisher, a resident of Mountain View,
on May 26, 2017 at 4:40 pm

the_punnisher is a registered user.

First wife, no. Second Wife worried too much about her weight. I deeply loved her, warts and all. I think she loved me too. As the other saying go about releasing and love will come back, I let her be as an adult. She took the risk of surgery that had a 6% mortality rate. As another adult, I feel that adults make decisions and accept the consequences of those decisions. As a result, she developed cancer. I drove her to the chemo sessions as they poured high priced chemicals that would kill the cancer before it killed her. Then the final verdict came in: the cancer was inoperable. That same week, a cancer killed my best friend. As a result, I ended up with my first stroke.I think my body/brain declared a time out.
Now, I go forward alone, without my two best friends..8-(:::::


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