My Best Tip Continued | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

My Best Tip Continued

Uploaded: Jan 8, 2016
When you get a great job, you do everything you can to be successful and work your way to promotions and raises.

When you find a great partner, please do everything you can to be successful and make your way to deeper intimacy, caring, connection, love, trust, and great sex, too. This provides the foundation to raise children (if you choose to so do), work, be of service, and follow your spiritual path if you have one. Those are the promotions and raises of a great relationship.

What can you both do for the good of the marriage? In fact, what did you do this week to make things better at home?

When we work with couples, we see issues as a systems breakdown – not him or her.

I saw an osteopath yesterday. He was explaining how my body has its own adaptations, and is not perfect. When something changes (in my case, getting rear-ended on 101 last March), the body cannot handle the change, and issues arise. The goal is not to get my body to a perfect state, but to a new adaptation that is manageable and healthy for me.

This is a lot like couples issues. You have come to your own stasis, and when a change comes along, the system gets overloaded and cannot handle it.

Think about how you want to behave in your relationship – what’s good for your marriage? Due to limbic resonance and neural plasticity, being and behaving in healthy ways in your relationship actually changes your brain and your partner’s, too, for the better.
What is community worth to you?
Support local journalism.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed

Get daily headlines sent straight to your inbox.

Round Table Pizza bites the dust in downtown Palo Alto
By Elena Kadvany | 14 comments | 5,436 views

Local Transit to the Rescue?
By Sherry Listgarten | 29 comments | 3,422 views

Eating Green on the Green – August 25
By Laura Stec | 6 comments | 1,381 views

Moral Panic, again on guns
By Douglas Moran | 18 comments | 1,158 views

"The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 856 views

 

Register now!

​On Friday, October 11, join us at the Palo Alto Baylands for a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run or half marathon! All proceeds benefit local nonprofits serving children and families.

More Info