Number One at Home, "Average" Here? | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

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By Chandrama Anderson

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About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

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Number One at Home, "Average" Here?

Uploaded: Sep 15, 2015
Were you number one in your class? Were you the smart kid? A geek?

Whether you got kudos for it or bullied, or a reaction in between, your smarts are likely tied in with your self-image.

Now that you're here in Silicon Valley, you're probably in with your peers ? you don't stand out as much. You're here with all the other number one, smart kids and geeks.

This could be very unsettling as it may rattle or undermine your self-image. What a tremendous adjustment to make. Who are you without being number one? What are you thinking about yourself? Does it bring up Imposter Syndrome? Do you have a sense of shame or vulnerability? Do you even let yourself think about it at all?

How has this affected your love relationship? Do you worry that your partner will see you differently? Do you have language and communication skills to discuss your concerns and feelings about it with your mate? Do you think you have to hide these thoughts and feelings?

Did your partner move to Silicon Valley to follow your job? Is your partner having a hard time adjusting to the Silicon Valley culture?

Are you worried and trying not to? What are your coping methods?

As humans, we are wired for connection and perhaps this is a chance to learn more about that and to focus on relationships as well as smarts.

This doesn't take away from success or incredible ideas, and the creation of them.

Being here is a great opportunity in at least a few ways:
1) The joy of being surrounded by other smart people.
2) The chance to redefine or deepen your identity beyond your smarts.
3) A possible shift in how you relate to your mate.

It can be both challenging and life affirming to further know and expand your sense of self and to create breadth and character.

What would that look, sound, or feel like for you?

What is democracy worth to you?
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