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By Max Greenberg

About this blog: I developed a special interest in helping seniors with their challenges and transitions when my dad had a stroke and I helped him through all the various stages of downsizing, packing, moving and finding an assisted living communi... (More)

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It's Never Too Early or Too Late to Find the Perfect Mate...

Uploaded: Jul 8, 2015

...Unless you're already married: best to work with what you've got.

I recently came upon such a simple method for finding the perfect mate that I couldn't keep it to myself (I've already shared it with my 3 kids who are not hitched as of yet).

Make as extensive a list as you can of all the wonderful attributes you dream of finding in one person. Now go through that list and check off those attributes you desire in your perfect mate that you have not quite perfected in yourself up until now. Then go ahead and work on this sub-list. When you're done you won't have to worry about finding this perfect person: that person will find you. After all, you'll have everything they desire in their perfect mate. You can't expect your perfect mate to be attracted to someone who doesn't already have the traits they are looking for.

I first heard of this approach in Darren Hardy's book "The Compound Effect", a must-read in my opinion dealing with the positive (and potentially negative) effects of habits. Darren claims to have compiled a 40 page list of the attributes he was seeking in the perfect mate, which he claims to have found. I would think most folks would take up a page or two.

Now, for those of us already in a committed relationship, whereas we may have missed the opportunity to find the perfect mate, might I suggest we still make the list and start working on ourselves as we strive for self-improvement. If nothing else, we may turn ourselves into a perfect person, or at least a much-improved version of ourselves. This alone I'm sure will elicit some positive responses from our "imperfect" mate that is sure to improve the relationship. I'm getting ready to make my list - I'll let you know how it goes. I'd love to hear how it went for you...

Comments

Posted by Reader, a resident of another community,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 8:50 pm

Do people in other countries perform this sort of analysis?

This sounds a little contrived and stilted. It's not like Americans have bragging rights on marriage stability. Telling others to do what we do doesn't seem like a responsible stance.

Just a thought...

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Posted by Grebnerg, a resident of another community,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 8:56 pm

Max, I suggest you abandon this exercise. You seem to expect that everyone is "damaged goods."

The fact that you regularly mention "perfect" in your post is clear evidence that you don't understand that there is no perfection.

We are all imperfect, from the day we are born to the day we die.

We get it: denial is a big part of your life. Stop promulgating this line of thought amongst your readership.

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Posted by Max Greenberg, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 8:58 pm
Max Greenberg is a registered user.

Hello Reader - thanks for your comment. I don't know about how things work in other countries - don't even know how many people still get married in other countries. All this is is a means to help us maximize our unique potential, rather than looking for someone else to bring the attributes we desire into the relationship. Shouldn't take this method as a means of telling others what to do.

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Posted by Reader, a resident of another community,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 9:13 pm

Max, I don't see how getting married maximizes our unique potential, it sounds more like a desperate attempt at justifying why you are even married.

How many marriages have you had? Are you happy in your current situation? Don't tell us, we don't really want to know, but your ongoing narrative indicates that you have many, many issues to solve that no reader can help you with.

Almost every situation you have ever posted on your blog has an overwhelming leitmotif of denial.

Assuming you want honest feedback, well, there you have it.

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Posted by Max Greenberg, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 9:26 pm
Max Greenberg is a registered user.

Reader - was there somewhere in my post or comment that said anything about how getting married maximizes our unique potential? Regarding "perfection", while it is never attainable, the pursuit of it is simply a manifestation of the desire for self-improvement. Finally, please define how you are using "denial" ie. as in refusing to accept something or some situation and denying its existence or being; or as in denying oneself of something ie. sugar, for instance. I do like your use of the word "leitmotif"; thanks for introducing it into the discussion.

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Posted by Max Greenberg, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 9:28 pm
Max Greenberg is a registered user.

Dear Reader - my last comment re. the use of the word "denial" was meant for Grebnerg, not for you. Sorry for the confusion.

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Posted by Reader, a resident of another community,
on Jul 8, 2015 at 9:38 pm

I'm a bit confused by your last post. Anyhow, I'm about to board an airplane for faraway lands.

Have a great summer, Max, will catch up with you sometime in the autumn.

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Posted by Vixenvena, a resident of Old Palo Alto,
on Jul 11, 2015 at 7:49 am

Well Max... I did this experiment and EVERYTHING was crossed off my list except "Likes pizza with pineapple".

I'm not really sure how this is going to help me find Mr. Right unless it means that my perfect mate is just about any guy who likes delivery.

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Posted by not-perfect, a resident of Ventura,
on Jul 13, 2015 at 4:44 pm

Cute article. Even cuter comments. But still looking....

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Posted by gnar, a resident of Fairmeadow,
on Jul 14, 2015 at 10:56 am

Disappointed in these comments; they don't seem to get it.

I think this method is the right way to go, and appreciated that Max's article added value to my day.

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Posted by Max Greenberg, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Jul 30, 2015 at 8:59 am
Max Greenberg is a registered user.

Thank you Gnar for adding value to MY day with your comment.
Vixenvena: every guy who likes delivery is a pretty large talent pool. Once you have "perfected" yourself, you can stop looking for "Mr Right." He will find you...

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