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Mandy Len Catron wrote a column recently for the NY Times called To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.
The article is based on work done by Arthur Aron 20 years ago in which Aron created an experiment to see if he could script a set of ever deepening, and ever more vulnerable questions, followed by four minutes of eye contact, to get people to fall in love.
In her story, Catron decided to give it a shot, and she did fall in love (although she admits there was attraction there to begin with).
I wonder if established couples could go through these 36 questions and rekindle or enhance their love. So please give it a try, and let me know how it goes.
All of this reminds me of a powerful exercise I did in high school called “A Dyadic Encounter.” This was in a weekend humanities class at Community High School in Ann Arbor, MI in 1976. We were handed a small mimeographed booklet to use with a partner.
Amazingly, my husband still has one of the Dyadic Encounter booklets from the time we met. The booklet has no author, date, or institution listed on it, so I am unable to site the material beyond what I’ve stated here. (If you know who wrote this, please let me know.) Laura’s comment, below, her parents John and Johanna Jones wrote A Dyadic Encounter.
As with Aron’s questions, A Dyadic Encounter builds intimacy, vulnerability, and trust between two people. It is designed to help people get to know each other, and therefore can be used by those who want to know someone better. I think couples need to get to know each other better ? again ? at times.
My husband and I did A Dyadic Encounter a year or two after high school. We were already good friends (not sweethearts), and it definitely helped us become closer friends.
I am going to post A Dyadic Encounter on my site, to retain publishing guidelines. You can go through the process with your beloved (or on dates).
