See Me. Hear Me. Don't Fix Me. | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

See Me. Hear Me. Don't Fix Me.

Uploaded: Aug 22, 2014
It seems so simple. But to see, listen and not fix is harder than to reassure or apologize.

We need to know our spouse gets us. We are competent, intelligent people that can solve a problem.

What we all want is to be loved. We know we are loved by being seen, heard and given empathy. Having each others' back. Seeking comfort and sex from one another. Creating a home that is a haven.

I know you've read this on Couple's Net before. It's because these are the basics.

Sit with her/him. Breathe through your own discomfort. Reflect back what you hear and offer words of empathy (that must feel . . .; sounds hard . . .; you wanted it to go a different way . . ., etc.) Just be there, supporting, caring, loving.

Hold back the fixing words. In the end, it will fix your marriage.



Photo by imelenchon
Local Journalism.
What is it worth to you?

Comments

Posted by anniversary, a resident of Leland Manor/Garland Drive,
on Aug 26, 2014 at 11:00 am

Interesting that this was posted on my 27th wedding anniversary. Too bad I didn't see it then and show it to my husband. You hit the nail on the head about the main thing missing in my marriage, which otherwise is quite strong and satisfying. Thank you for giving me this tool. I'll show it to my husband tonight.


Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Aug 26, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Happy Anniversary! You are welcome. I hope this tool will provide many more, and even better, years together.


Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Stay informed.

Get the day's top headlines from Palo Alto Online sent to your inbox in the Express newsletter.

How my 80-year-old parents electrified their Foster City townhouse
By Sherry Listgarten | 11 comments | 9,465 views

BREAKING: James Beard Award winning chef Traci Des Jardins' restaurant el Alto abruptly closes its doors in Los Altos months after highly anticipated opening
By The Peninsula Foodist | 2 comments | 2,887 views

San Bruno Wins Food Trend Craze with First Plant-Based Gas Mart
By Laura Stec | 1 comment | 1,467 views

The Benefits of Adding Market-Rate Housing in Palo Alto
By Steve Levy | 8 comments | 1,326 views

How Much Time do You Spend Outdoors?
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 996 views