"Everything has a Crack. That's How the Light Gets In." Leonard Cohen | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

"Everything has a Crack. That's How the Light Gets In." Leonard Cohen

Uploaded: Apr 8, 2014
Our marriage is not perfect; our partner can not fulfill all of our needs (yet may fill many); our children are not the reflected best aspects of ourselves -- and neither should they be.

The goal is for "Good Enough," and I mean that in a psychological sense, not in a tepid, adequate, "Oh, who cares anyway!"

Gottman, who runs the Love Lab in Seattle and has written a bunch of books about couples and parenting, finds in his extensive research that we need a ratio of 5:1 of good to poor interactions to have a happy and sustainable marriage. That means that we are kind and treat our partner well five times for every one time we blow it; when we say or do an interaction poorly (however, this is not free rein to be an asshole one out of five times).

While we relish good times, and peak experiences may be good for our soul, intimacy is often built from difficulties that we have gotten through together. Weight lifting or exercise might not always be fun or feel good at the time, yet it does build muscle and strength.

Intimacy is built over time, through fun, through a sexual relationship, and through handling challenges well together. So while no one wants cracks, we do want intimacy. So let in the light, together.
We need your support now more than ever. Can we count on you?

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post

Follow this blogger.
Sign up to be notified of new posts by this blogger.

Email:

SUBMIT

Post a comment

Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

Get important election coverage sent straight to your inbox daily.

After 10 years, Shalala Ramen to leave downtown Mountain View
By Elena Kadvany | 5 comments | 10,939 views

Thinking of moving? You're not alone.
By Sherry Listgarten | 22 comments | 6,292 views

Ballot propositions have problems
By Diana Diamond | 16 comments | 1,915 views

Changing Our Focus
By Cheryl Bac | 0 comments | 883 views

Premarital and Couples: I’m not getting what I need. How can I get him/her to change?
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 581 views