You Change! | Couple's Net | Chandrama Anderson | Palo Alto Online |

Local Blogs

Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and grief and have lived in Silicon Valley since 1969. I'm the president of Connect2 Marriage Counseling. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in ...  (More)

View all posts from Chandrama Anderson

You Change!

Uploaded: Feb 24, 2014
"This relationship is a mess, and I want you to change."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Ouch!

No matter how much we wish we had control over her behaviors, actions, and feelings, we don't. We can not change him.

It's really annoying, isn't it? Because if s/he would just do things my way, we would not be having these issues.

Truth is, we can change. We can learn about how our brain works in relationship, and help it work better for us. Truth is, we have to do the work.

I see change every day. It gladdens my heart. It does not just happen, though.

Change comes from deciding to be vulnerable; by being the first to step forward and interact differently with our partner.

"This relationship has a few issues. I am glad we're in it together, though. I will change to have a healthier, happier life with you."

Now look in the mirror and repeat the above statement.

Look in the mirror: there's the one you can influence.

Comments

There are no comments yet for this post
Sorry, but further commenting on this topic has been closed.

He said – she said – who is lying? Justice Brett Kavanaugh or PA resident Christine Ford
By Diana Diamond | 69 comments | 4,576 views

Global Warming Diet
By Laura Stec | 6 comments | 1,396 views

Couples: "Taming Your Gremlin" by Richard Carson
By Chandrama Anderson | 0 comments | 1,319 views

Preparing for kindergarten
By Cheryl Bac | 0 comments | 754 views

Let's Talk Internships
By John Raftrey and Lori McCormick | 0 comments | 572 views

 

Race is tomorrow!

​On Friday, September 21, join us at the Palo Alto Baylands for a 5K walk, 5K run, 10K run, or—for the first time—half marathon! All proceeds benefit local nonprofits serving children and families.

Learn More