by Keith Peters
It's both scary and exciting, a rollercoaster of emotions. That's the U.S. Olympic Swimming Team Trials. It's been called the most challenging swim meet in the world. Many have spent their lifetime preparing for it. It's a time when dreams come true and nightmares begin because when each race is over, some careers will continue while others will end.
"It's the only meet in the world where first and second is a lifetime goal and third is last," said Ray Carey, a Stanford senior who knows the tribulations of the trials.
"In '92, I had a real shot. For sure, I was one of the top four guys coming in," he explained. "Without question, I was going to be in the finals. In the finals, it's just a race to see who touches the wall first."
Carey, however, touched fourth in the 200-meter butterfly at the 1992 U.S. swim trials and missed a trip to Barcelona. He, of course, was not alone in his disappointment. Many of Carey's teammates also failed in their quest, but they've learned from their '92 experience and have spent these past four years preparing themselves to make the '96 U.S. Olympic team.
That opportunity begins Wednesday at the Indiana University Natatorium in Indianapolis, where Carey will be joined by 33 other current and former Stanford swimmers in their quest to earn trips to Atlanta this summer. And, in doing so, mend some broken dreams.
Tyler Mayfield, who graduated from Stanford in 1994, remembers how devastated he felt after failing to make the '92 team in either the 100- or 200-meter breaststrokes.
"I swam poorly at that meet," Mayfield recalled. "It wasn't one of those things that I could walk away from and say 'Hey, I gave it my best.' I walked away with a lot of doubts and a lot of questions.
"Now, I don't have a bitter taste at all. But I do have a lot of experience. I do know what to expect, not to get emotionally carried away; not to get wrapped up in who's going to the Olympics. In a way, it's just another meet."
And another chance to prove himself. In recent months, Mayfield has been getting mail from the U.S. Swimming Association--asking him to pay his dues in order to be kept up to date with the sport.
"I fell off the national team this summer, but I didn't know that constituted my retirement," said Mayfield, who is ranked among the top 10 Americans all-time in both breaststrokes. "I'm sure there are some people out there, in U.S. Swimming, who think I'm done and no longer a contender . . . so that adds fuel to the fire. This is kind of a turning point in my career, as far as whether I'll keep going or retire. Again, I just have to get up and perform."
That's what Brian Retterer hopes to do, as well. The '95 Stanford graduate has learned well from his experience at the '92 trials.
"I had no clue what was going to happen," he said. "I was just coming on to the swimming scene."
Retterer got caught up in the excitement of the trials and watching many of his Stanford teammates like Jeff Rouse (100 back) and Pablo Morales (100 fly) make the Olympic team, that he forgot to focus on himself.
During the finals of the 100 backstroke, Retterer took in water through his nose on the turn and that cost him. He finished sixth.
"It was a rookie mistake," Retterer recalled. "From '92, I just took the experience that I'm not going in there as a wide-eyed little rookie. Now, I've been on the national team the last four years (winning a relay gold medal at the '94 World Championships). I expect to make the team."
As the third-fastest American in history in the 100-meter back, Retterer has good reason to like his chances this week.
"You have to realize your goal," he said. "You have to swim what you want to do. You're the one who's going to be living with it."
Stanford senior Jane Skillman knows she'll be able to live with herself following her third appearance at the U.S. swim trials. She's been disappointed before, but won't let anything stand in her way of enjoying this one.
"I'm just going to have fun and see what I can do," said Skillman, who was a high school senior when she made two finals in '92 but missed out on Barcelona. "It was hard to go to the trials and be really disappointed. Looking back, I realize now that I was mentally defeated before I even got to the trials.
"I had a couple of rough swims in the season and I was not in the right frame of mind. It (the trials) was one of the worst things in my life. It was awful."
Skillman, who rarely faced defeat as a prep star, didn't realize what pressure was until she reached the trials and had her name mentioned along with such Olympians as Janet Evans.
"I didn't know how to deal with it," she said. "That's another whole part of the training--to learn how to deal with that kind of pressure."
Being a senior and realizing her swimming days are numbered, Skillman has focused her attention on enjoying her experiences rather than battling them.
"It's so different this time around," said Skillman, who's still ranked among the top 20 Americans all-time in the 400 free. "It's all about having fun. I've got two more swim meets left in my career (unless she makes the Olympic team). And I'm just having a good time."
Stanford senior Lisa Jacob had fun in her previous U.S. trials and expects to do so again.
"It wasn't a painful meet at all," said Jacob, who made the finals in the 200 (fifth), 400 (fifth) and 800 freestyles in '92. "I was really excited with how I did. I couldn't complain with doing best times in every event and making finals in everything I swam."
That experience helped Jacob decide which direction she wanted to take her career. That choice, she hopes, will lead to Atlanta. She has been swimming her fastest unrested times ever.
"I think if I go the same time (in the 200 free) as I did in '92, I'll make it," she said.
That brings us back to Ray Carey, who upset former world recordholder Mel Stewart last summer to win the U.S. national championships--that coming after sitting out from September 1994 to February 1995 with a damaged nerve in his shoulder.
Carey, who was told by doctors that he might never swim again, is now fully recovered and primed both mentally and physically for a trip to Atlanta.
"The biggest thing I learned (from '92) is that, although it's exciting and although there is pressure, you have to swim it like it's just another meet. It's just another swim--same distance, same blocks, same water. You've just got to do the job you do every day."
And doing that job to the best of his ability should get Carey a winning role in his dream movie.
"It's real important to play your dream movie in your mind," Carey said of visualizing one's goals. "The end of the movie, for me, is coming in the last 25 meters at the Olympic Games--passing somebody and winning the gold medal.
"If you're going to dream--dream big. Never sell yourself short. Ask what you can accomplish. Your dream really is your limit."
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