That's what happened when Douglas Bradley fired four shots (one hit a classmate in the leg) at Mid-Peninsula High School in Palo Alto, and then fatally shot himself on Feb. 8.
His very public, violent death may have put him out of pain, but it created grief, fear, and guilt in many people.
The whole school, a private alternative school that prides itself on close relationships between students and staff, was deeply shaken by the event. The victims are many: the student who was shot; the students who were shot at; Bradley's family; teachers who wonder why they didn't see Bradley's despair; and the students who knew, but didn't tell, that Bradley had been seeking a gun.
Commendably, the school responded to the suicide by focusing on the people Bradley left behind--students, parents and staff. People had many opportunities to talk about their feelings, meet with counselors and even "cleanse" themselves with a drumming and fire ritual held last week, said Principal Philip Bliss.
The community responded quickly as well. Twenty-six mental health professionals volunteered their time to talk to the students in small groups. Phone calls and letters of support flowed in.
Counselors who believe that suicide can be prevented are using the situation as an example that keeping a friend's secret in order to keep his or her friendship sometimes means your friend won't be alive anymore.
"It was a learning moment," Bliss said of the suicide. "They have this teenage code of silence. Now they know the real life consequences of talking about suicide."
Sue Barkhurst, executive director of Adolescent Counseling Services in Palo Alto, said families often don't talk about suicide because it's a taboo subject. "You need to sit down with your kids and talk about when is it OK to violate the secrecy between kids," and come to an adult for help, said Barkhurst.
Of course it's not always possible to recognize that someone is suicidal, or even if you do, to stop them. I don't think others are responsible when an individual decides to take their own life. But young people and adults can sometimes help troubled kids if they know what to look for.
"The issue does come up a lot more than parents or school people realize," said Martha Chan of Adolescent Counseling Services.
Young people consider suicide for a number of reasons, including problems at home or school, divorce, a family death, breaking up with a boy or girlfriend, sexual identity issues, drug and alcohol abuse, pregnancy, and traumas like rape and abuse.
In 1992, suicide was the third most common cause of death for 15- to 24- year-olds in this country, following accidents (which are sometimes really suicides) and homicide. Seventy percent of attempts involve the loss of judgment while intoxicated with drugs or alcohol.
"Adolescents in particular can feel very alienated and are at more risk once they get thoughts in their head," said Dr. John Brentar, director of mental health services for the Children's Health Council in Palo Alto.
"Kids don't have the previous history to have problem-solved and know it will get better," Barkhurst said.
It's OK to ask people if they feel suicidal--asking won't give them the idea--and it's crucial that people contemplating suicide know that they are loved, and that that's why you're going to get help for them, the counselors say.
Take the person's statement seriously, and find out if they have a plan, how lethal it is, and how easy it is to carry out. The more detailed the plans, the bigger and more imminent the risk is. In extreme cases, people can be hospitalized for 24 hours.
People don't always give clues about their thoughts, but experts say to watch out for dramatic changes in behavior, drug and alcohol use, excessive risk taking, giving away prized possessions.
For help, call: Teenline, 327-TEEN; San Mateo County's suicide hotline, 368-6655; Santa Clara County's suicide hotline, 408-279-3312; and Adolescent Counseling Service in Palo Alto, 424-0852.
Heather Rock Woods is a Weekly staff writer.
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