Publication Date: Wednesday Feb 7, 2001

Teens need activities, respect, time

Adolescents are dealing with many of the same challenges as teenagers of prior generations, but with a greater intensity and faster pace of life, a panel of youthful speakers agreed at a special forum in Palo Alto Jan. 31. Those issues include coping with a stress-filled environment, making personal decisions about drugs, struggling to meet high expectations in grades and school performance, and fighting a sense of isolation in relationships with parents, teachers and friends.

The forum was sponsored as part of a "listen to young persons" process by the Adolescent Counseling Service (ACS), which operates a variety of counseling and live-in settings for young persons in trouble. It was co-sponsored by the San Mateo County Department of Human Services, the Palo Alto Unified School District, the Sequoia Union High School District, the Palo Alto Medical Foundation and the Palo Alto Weekly.

Nearly 100 people attended the event at the Medical Foundation auditorium.

Rose Jacobs Gibson, San Mateo County supervisor and former councilwoman and mayor in East Palo Alto, introduced the panel with a recollection that, "I was once an adolescent myself, in the '60s--Vietnam War, flower child, remember that?

"We were faced with some of the same challenges young people face today. Isolation was one. 'Our parents don't understand.'

"But today our adolescents are truly isolated, not because of anything we can point our finger at the parents for, but because of circumstances," Gibson said. "Parents are working longer hours. They really, truly do feel isolated and we have to do something about that, and it will take all of us working together to make them feel included."

The panel of seven teenagers was moderated by Amado Padilla, a professor of English at Stanford University and president of the PTA Council of the Palo Alto Unified School District. His son, Diego Padilla--a sophomore at Gunn High School in Palo Alto--was one of the panelists. Padilla is also a former Palo Alto school board member.

The panel got off to an attention-getting start:

"How y'all doing? I'm an alcoholic and an addict," Patrick Sharp, a student at Foothill College who formerly attended Palo Alto schools, introduced himself.

"Pretty much everyone looks at youth today and thinks kids are screwed up," he continued, adding that such expectations often become reality when a teenager starts getting into trouble.

"Parents in this area can easily disown their children. Parents can easily say, 'I have a Mercedes and I went to Stanford, so it must be drugs.' Teachers do the same thing. They first say, 'He's on drugs.' They don't say, 'How can I approach this differently? How can I help?'

"This causes anger, anger toward adults and toward authority figures..."

Sharp recounted that when he was in high school, "It was very easy for me to say, 'Screw my parents. I'm not going to do it that way, along those lines. I'm sick and tired of listening to them. It's so hard to listen to them.' That's a big reason why youth will screw up today."

He said many alternatives to "hanging out," such as organized activities and clubs, have been shut down. "Now they go to the street and hang out on the street, and on the street at night you'll find drugs," Sharp said. "That's where the kid will screw up and find another family...and say, 'This family is a lot more fun and easier to live with'--at first."

Elizabeth Falcon, a sophomore at Palo Alto High School, said she wasn't sure what to say on the panel, but friends on the way over told her to "Talk about stress! Talk about stress!"

"We're not really allowed to act like kids," and as a result many young people "turn to drugs and drinking and eating disorders.

"I can't tell you how many kids suffer from these things," she said.

She agreed that the best way to help is to increase activities. She said there are many activities now--programs, plays, sports--but often, "They are so exclusive. Are there teams out there for people just to play for fun?

"We need more programs for everyone, maybe family programs... (Programs that are) a safe haven for teens that promote a feeling of community," she said. Drugs and drinking "have always been around," but parents seem to be traveling more and they should realize that, "You can't leave your house for a weekend and not expect there to be a party and your house destroyed...Cleaned up, but destroyed in the meantime."

AJ Isaac, a senior at Gunn, said stereotypes of teenagers are destructive, whether they are negative or the too-positive, "Oh, they're young adults." He said, "Kids need a lot of help--it's really valuable for a kid to have respect from a teacher or friend."

Stress is "a big issue. Lots of people feel their life's over if they can't go to college and they will be flipping burgers the rest of their lives. It's kind of discouraging to a young person, when they're trying to be the best they can be, to be told they're not good enough..." He said there should be "more emphasis on how much you put into work."

Friends are important, especially friends "mature enough to listen and give advice," Isaac said. But the "largest issue with students today is image--if you're not driving a big car with a huge wallet you're not important."

Sharon Lee, also a senior at Gunn, said the most prominent type of stress is academic pressure: "I guess compared to adult stress it's nothing, but to us it's everything--the transition from middle school to high school; it's about tests. You pretend you're doing fine, and everyone else seems like they're doing fine..."

The available counselors concentrate on the outstanding and the at-risk students, she said. "The middle-achiever is not recognized. The outstanding students are recognized. The at-risk students are recognized. But the middle students are almost overlooked--we are almost overlooked."

Shawna Dobbins, another Gunn senior, said that "the most important relationship long-term is the youth-to-parent relationship. I say long-term because at the high-school stage students turn mostly to their friends, because we feel we're not going to get judged as harshly...Parents need to not only be setting the boundaries and setting guidelines and things but also be supportive and reach out to their kids; they'll respond."

She said "fitting the cookie-cutter of the perfect student" and being "measured by these standardized tests" is extra hard on "people outside this (perfect student) path. If there were some ways to accommodate them, you'd see so many beautiful things happen."

Adults looking back may see their problems in high school, in different periods, and, "We are going through the same thing--even without the Vietnam War, we're still feeling rebellious."

Yesenia Barragan, a senior at Palo Alto High on an independent home-study program, said there are students with special challenges: "I have a disability and don't attend school...My parents don't speak English and don't go to meetings because there's usually not a translator and they wouldn't understand."

There also are cultural factors that can complicate things, in her case due to her Hispanic background: "At 12 I was supposed to go to science camp, but my parents didn't allow me to go because girls are not allowed out of the house (overnight) until they are 15." 

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