September 21, 2005

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Palo Alto Online

No. 2 pencils, binder paper, juice boxes and bullying

by Alexandria Rocha

The trio of adolescent bullies led by Nelson in the primetime cartoon "The Simpsons" is meant to make viewers laugh.

However, Judith McFarland, a local marriage and family therapist, said those characters make bullying in schools worse. To give "The Simpsons" a break, so are "Malcolm in the Middle" and a variety of other programs.

"If you look at any TV show, most TV shows, you'll see people interact using sarcasm, mean-spirited humor," said McFarland, who has been studying bullying and conducting trainings in schools for about five years. "People are not polite or respectful to one another, they're rarely ever shown working on conflict in healthy ways. There is a lot of violence."

Rest in peace "The Cosby Show."

Bullying is an age-old problem that is as constant in schools, and anywhere kids congregate for that matter, as greasy pizza slices and juice boxes, said McFarland and other area experts.

Although it's been intensified in recent years by television shows and the onslaught of cyberbullying, when tech-savvy kids taunt each other through e-mails and text messages, stereotypical bullying has maintained its foothold in the coming-of-age experience for many kids. For the most part, it is still carried out by spreading rumors and gossiping, stealing lunch money or school supplies, and pushing and shoving, McFarland said. Social exclusion and intimidation are also major bullying techniques.

"Bullying is an ever-present issue in our schools. It's something all children experience. It can be damaging; it can be hurtful, it can make them depressed," said Karen White, who held last year's juvenile protection position on the Palo Alto Council of PTAs. "The situation here in Palo Alto is no different than any other city. All children go through phases when they're feeling more or less popular, more or less in control."

So why do kids do it?

"To get attention," said Luke Prioleau, 11, a sixth-grader at Jordan Middle School.

"To be cool and to show off," Paige Borsos, also 11 and Luke's classmate, said.

Borsos and Prioleau are right on target. Bullying basically comes down to an issue of power. But McFarland said it is important to differentiate bullying from normal peer conflict.

"I don't look at bullying as a one-time incident that goes on between friends," she said. "It is something serious that's repeated and happens between students that aren't friends."

On the flip side of bullying, there are many reasons why a child is more at risk for being victimized. Shy students who do not have a lot of friends are more likely to be bullied than students who have the security of a circle of friends, said McFarland. Children who may be experiencing a problem in their life -- such as family issues or an illness, something that makes them vulnerable -- are also victims.

Experts also say bullying rarely happens in the classroom, which makes it harder for teachers to spot. Prioleau and his friend Nick Branson, 11, said it usually occurs in the hallways or during lunch in the school courtyard.

"There were some people out here and they started off teasing each other then it went to a hit and then a shove," said Branson, referring to a scuffle between students in Jordan's play yard earlier this year. "Kids saw them and then they told a teacher.

The best way schools can counter bullying is to have a comprehensive program that defines bullying and outlines across-the-board consequences that are uniformly applied, said McFarland. Students also have to be well informed about the rules.

Each school within the Palo Alto Unified School District has its own policy on bullying. The Board of Education also has a districtwide policy on student behavior.

Students in Palo Alto are for the most part clear on the rules. However, some of the consequences for various actions may differ.

"Some teachers just give you a warning, and some will give you an automatic referral," said Borsos' twin sister, Samantha.

Amanda Ballard, 11, added, "It depends on how bad it is."

Major offenses are of course handled according to the regulations, but teachers are oftentimes discretionary when an offense is minor and isolated. Hitting, however, will most always get a child sent to the principal's office.

Kendra Evans, an expert in behavioral management at the Children's Health Council in Palo Alto, said teachers need to be hyper aware of bullying, since students who are victimized often do not tell anyone out of embarrassment or fear of retaliation. Parents also need to tune in.

One major sign that a student is being bullied is when he or she stops enjoying certain after-school activities or doesn't want to play with other kids. A student who stops eating his or her lunch because it's being taken or whose belongings are constantly missing could also be a victim of bullying. Bruises, of course, are another sign.

To encourage students to seek help, schools should have a designated "safe place," such as the nurse's office or a certain teacher's room, where students can go to tell an adult, said Evans. The room can even be covert, she said, and labeled with a symbol or picture that students recognize for that specific "safe place" purpose.

Encouraging culture-oriented field trips and hosting speakers with different backgrounds can also help a school create an environment of acceptance.

"The earlier you can talk to kids about citizenship and conflict resolution, it's going to stick with them better," said Evans.

And of course, as 11-year-old Natalie Mostrel puts it, the bottom line is: "If you do it, you get in trouble."

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