August 17, 2005

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Palo Alto Online

When it's time to change ...

by Alexandria Rocha

Christine Juang, an incoming freshman, is taking high school seriously.

Although she will not encounter the SAT for another three years, the 13-year-old took an SAT math prep course at Palo Alto High School this summer. It was four hours a day for five weeks.

"There were some subjects I haven't covered yet it school, so I was kind of lost," said Christine, who also participated in the Youth Community Service's Freshman Leadership Corps pilot program this summer.

"I can't exactly say it was my idea," she added.

In Palo Alto, Christine's parents are likely not alone in their desire to prepare their student for the next phase in school. Transitions -- whether from middle to high school or high school to college -- can be a major ordeal for many families. Experts and parents say the social, developmental and academic changes can be overwhelming.

"It's an emotional time, she's growing up and leaving home," said Mona Siegel, whose daughter just graduated from Paly and is heading to a small college in Los Angeles in a few weeks. "But, we're excited for her."

Starting a new school can potentially alter a family's lifestyle dramatically. Some adjustments are small, such as transportation to school and meeting new teachers. Others are larger, such as curfews and dating.

"The year in transition is when people step back and look at things closer," said Janet Poses, a spokeswoman for GoodParents, Inc., which recently offered the workshop, "Off to college, staying close while letting go," at the Mitchell Park Community Center. "It's a really important time for a lot of people."

At Palo Alto and Gunn high schools, there will be nearly 1,000 new freshmen taking their turn on a big-kid campus. Most will be 14 years old and possessing a combination of eagerness and anxiety about joining the ranks of their older peers who are driving cars, holding jobs and internships, and in general, enjoying more freedom.

"I'm a little nervous. I hear a lot of scary stories about high school, that freshmen get beat up," Christine said. "It's mostly just my high school friends trying to freak me out, though. I'm glad I'm going to see all my friends, but I don't know how I feel about being at the bottom again -- I just climbed my way up."

Parents will also likely encounter a bit of hesitancy from their former eighth-graders.

"I'm not that excited. My regular school and my teachers and friends were all really good," said Oscar Gomez, 13, who participated in the YCS freshman corps along with Christine.

Palo Alto's public school freshmen are entering a campus with twice as many students as their middle school, said Carol Zepecki, the district's director of student services. She added that incoming freshmen have never had open-campus lunch before high school, and parents need to set up appropriate guidelines.

There are a wide variety of support systems for ninth-graders and their families. In the spring, all three middle schools hold orientations about high school and students and parents can tour the campuses.

"Lots of individualization goes on," Zepecki said.

Once they are there, however, experts said parents should be aware of the huge amount of information and ideas their teenager is absorbing.

The most major and obvious change may be the difference in physical development between themselves and the upperclassmen, said Joe Connolly, founder of GoodParents, Inc. Besides being taller and more physically mature, the older students are on the brink of adulthood in many other ways -- they have often developed a sense of style and their core group of friends is secure.

Fresh ninth-graders are going to try and find that sense of self, too, which can cause conflict when they start to push the parental limits.

"Teens go through a period of discovering their identity. They want to see where they fit in the world," Connolly said. "In adolescence, they make decisions based on image. This is so amazingly powerful that for us to say it's not a big deal, is a huge mistake."

Connolly suggests letting the students explore their independence while also setting up appropriate boundaries. At Paly, freshmen are linked to a teacher who will guide them through their academic choices all four years. At Gunn, the students are connected to the same counselor during their high school career.

When it's time for students to head to college, while it is still a tough transition, it's likely parents today have an easier time letting go then their parents did. That's simply because the onslaught of technology has increased student and parental awareness about what to expect.

Today's new undergraduates can register with Web sites such as facebook.com, online directories that connect them with other students at their schools, making them feel more at ease because they know people.

"The communication is so much better than when I was in school," Siegel said.

Universities have also gotten good at sending welcome packages that include maps, important phone numbers, calendars of events and campus job applications, among other information leaflets, such as lists of clubs and activities and suggestions for what to bring.

Colleges today are also linking dorm roommates over the summer months, so the students can bond and plan together.

Other questions, however, still loom. For example, do you give your student a car to take to college? Should they get a job or will you give them an allowance?

Like the transition to high school, there are ways to ease the anxiety about all the other decisions. Connolly offers specific tips for parents of college-bound kids. Some include:

*Go to summer orientation

*Get to know the physical layout of the college

*Take a drive around the neighborhood to familiarize yourself with the area

*Agree on educational goals

*Agree on means and frequency of communication

*Agree on visits to home. Encourage your child to stay at school during the weekends for the first few months

*While school is in session, surprise them with gifts of money and goodies

*When they do come home, agree on guidelines for living in the house

If you still need help, anyone can adopt the Siegel family method -- make lots of lists.

"It helps us remember things like toothpaste and laundry detergent. The more that she has ahead of time, then there is less that she has to deal with," Siegel said.

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