First Person: Rethinking my priorities for the future -- beyond Palo Alto First Person: Rethinking my priorities for the future -- beyond Palo Alto (September 01, 2004)

by Anna Luskin

So here I am again, writing a column on high school life in Palo Alto. Last time I wrote (Weekly, July 14) I was talking about all the pressures I felt to get into a top college.

I believed the only way for me to be considered successful was if I was accepted into UCLA -- and I had recently been shattered by the news that, despite a 4.0 grade-point average, I had a "slim to zero" chance of getting there.

But this summer I have taken time to think.

My mom said it best when she observed that I am "starting to peel away the layers of external influences to come to see who I truly am and what I truly want."

I was seriously starting to question the point of working so hard in high school if I was not going to get into a "top school." Why should I try if I don't have a chance for UCLA or other schools that would reward my efforts?

I couldn't accept that going to a less-prestigious school was OK. That wasn't even an option for me. I wasn't comfortable with it. I was embarrassed to talk about it -- afraid of what people would think.

But this summer I realized the main reason I wanted to go to UCLA was because it was a top school that my parents were willing to pay for. They told me they were only willing to pay for a public education. Why pay $40, 000 a year to an Ivy League school when you can pay half as much to send me to UCLA? It made sense to them and me.

Then I started to realize that I didn't know anything about UCLA. I liked it just for its reputation. That's not right -- I realized it's not enough on which to make such an important decision.

College is supposed to be a place where you can grow and feel at home. It is your home for at least four years. It should offer more than a good reputation. It should have courses you want, be a place where you would want to live in an environment where you feel comfortable.

I started to look more closely at UCLA -- and realized it didn't even have a journalism department, just a communications department, with no courses on newswriting, magazine writing and so forth that I wanted.

That was a big disappointment. I started looking at the other UC schools and I saw that none had journalism departments, just communications departments with varying offerings in writing courses.

It hadn't occurred to me to look into a California State University because they weren't as top ranked as the UCs. But when I began to look I discovered they all had journalism departments offering exactly the kind of classes I wanted.

This was a significant moment: From that point on I started to learn more about myself and what is important to me.

One of the best things about summer is you have time to reflect, and I have used that time. My top choices for college now are San Francisco State, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo and UC Davis. Sure, SF State isn't UCLA. But you know what? That's OK.

It has a top-rated journalism program, is in a major city (I love cities) and it isn't too far away from home. I realized this summer that I don't even want to go as far away as Southern California. I don't particularly like Los Angeles and I want to stay pretty close to home. I'm really close with my family and I'm not yet ready to be far away.

So yes, I'm telling the world -- or at least my community in Palo Alto -- that, at this point at the beginning of my senior year at Paly, my first choice is San Francisco State University.

OK, I've said it. Publicly. I must admit, as I write this I realize I still am a little embarrassed and that this decision is harder to come to terms with than I thought it would be. I know I would rather be happy at a school that works for me than be at a top school just to satisfy my ego. But it's not so easy to sacrifice status and prestige in a community that values those so much.

San Francisco State is a perfectly good school and I've heard a lot of good things about it. So this is where I am right now, but like everything else I am just a work in progress. Stay tuned.

Anna Luskin is a senior at Palo Alto High School and was an editorial-pages intern at the Weekly this summer. She can be e-mailed at gobanannas12@yahoo.com.

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