Publication Date: Wednesday, April 14, 2004
Our Town: A barrier speaks out
Our Town: A barrier speaks out
(April 14, 2004) by Bill D'Agostino
There were seven. Now there is one.
The City Council voted March 29 to remove all but one of the trial traffic barriers that literally and figuratively divided the Downtown North neighborhood. In the Weekly's quest to hear from voices other news outlets ignore, we sought an interview with the sole barrier that will remain in the next trial.
We found the lone Survivor at the corner of Middlefield Road and Palo Alto Avenue, at the border between Menlo Park and Palo Alto.
So how does it feel to know your fellow septuplets have been voted out of the neighborhood?
"Great! I've opposed this trial from the beginning."
You have?
"Oh yeah. I believe streets are public rights of way and shouldn't be blocked off."
But you're a traffic barrier.
"I'm also a libertarian."
A libertarian traffic barrier? What is this world coming to?
"That's nothing. I'm friends with an anarchist traffic signal."
The one at the corner of El Camino Real and Page Mill Road?
"I'm not telling."
So what do you think of the traffic circles that will be tested next?
"I hear the one on the corner of Cowper and Hawthorne will be quite a hottie. Real shapely, well rounded."
You have a crush?
(Blushing.) "Next question, please."
On my way here, I noticed another barrier a block away, one I didn't know about before: on the corner of Byron Street and Palo Alto Avenue.
"My older brother. He's been here for years. Very old school."
How come he wasn't mentioned much during the debate?
"He tried to maintain a low profile. Those Unblock folks scared him."
Who can blame him?
"Also, there aren't many cars that use this portion of the neighborhood. I suppose you could say he's done a good job all these years. Which brings up an interesting philosophical question: If you barricade a road that nobody drives, it is really blocked?"
I notice you overlook the San Francisquito Creek.
"Have you seen my historic plaque?"
The one that says, "Middlefield Crossing"?
"Where the creek was traversed before there were bridges. I'm very proud."
But how hard is really it to cross San Francisquito Creek?
"Don't be dissin' on the settlers. How many miles have you traveled in a covered wagon?"
Good point. Tell me some gossip.
"An elderly woman accidentally drove down the street. As she approached, she stopped right here in front of me, rolled down her window and shouted, 'Palo Alto sucks!' She rolled her window back up and drove off."
Any other good stories?
"You know the sign down the street announcing me?"
The yellow sign that says, "Not a Through Street"?
"Yeah. The Stanford Bookstore parks a truck on my street, and it keeps banging into the sign, turning it to face the creek. I don't think the creek's steelhead trout need to know the street is closed."
B>Is that really true?
"A roadblock never lies."
So tell me -- do you think removing your siblings will decrease property values?
"I think that's a biased statement."
It's a question.
"I don't think so. Wait a minute -- I recognize you. Don't you bike through this neighborhood?"
Um, yeah.
"You are biased! That explains your stories! Wait -- don't leave. It's kind of lonely here."
OK. But don't insult my journalistic integrity again.
"Sorry. I have a question for you."
Shoot.
"Does the white picket fence make my centerpost look fat?"
Off the record?
"Yeah."
Kind of. Sorry.
"I blame city staff."
Join the club.
Bill D'Agostino is a staff writer at the Weekly. He can be e-mailed at bdagostino@paweekly.com.
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