Saturday Night Live covered a recent PAUSD Board meeting. Here is the transcript:
Emily Litella: I'm here tonight to speak out against mandolin immersion. Music is a wonderful, wonderful thing. I hear this kind of immersion thing is going on all over the country. Mandolin music wafting from little children, preparing them for the future . . . I suppose this early learning to read and play music may help some students with their math and comprehension. But the choice of mandolin is just wrong. Even after getting Measure A to replace programs that were cut, parents and the community are still selling PiEs, and have all these big bake sales, to raise money to provide fundamental stuff. The school district says it still cannot afford the aides, instructional assistance, reading/math specialists, science/technology, and art that we have today, and lots of this has been made possible by pie. I think they want 500 slices of pie for every student. Lots of people give slices to help the schools, and I saw a big list of donors at the Pie place. If they need all those pies to help all the schools, we should not be teaching everyone mandolin. Or guitar. Now, who will listen to a giant orchestra of mandolins? Where will they find sheet music? Who is going to pay for this sheet music? I do not think mandolin immersion should be supported by the school district with district funds when aides, reading, math, science and art have to be supported by bake sales. Perhaps mandolin lessons could come from donated PiEs when these other things are covered by the school district. What about selling pies at the mandolin concerts? You know, like Roseanne Rosannadannatom says . . .
Cheville Chasend: [ interrupting ] Miss Litella?
Emily Litella: Yes?
Cheville Chasend: I'm sorry. The board is discussing Mandarin immersion for some children not mandolin lessons for all students. Madarin. Not Mandolin. Some selected children. Not all children. And, anonymous donors funded a study that showed that Mandarin immersion will not really cost anything. They say, yes, here on page 9, (Web Link) it says pie proceeds can be used to help pay for it.
Emily Litella: Oh. I'm sorry. Never mind. But, wait, if Mandarin immersion gets district funds AND has their own bakes sales AND get to use PiE funds from everyone else baking, then will they still make PiEs to support aides, instructional assistance, reading/math specialists, science/technology, and art for all the other students? What about the other students?
Cheville Chasend: Let them eat cake.