Posted by Teri, a resident of the Old Palo Alto neighborhood, on Jul 17, 2007 at 9:51 pm
My heart aches to hear that there are babies neglected in orphanages while couples struggle to go through the adoption process. I'm delighted that Karl, Michelle, Fabiana, Maya, and Elise are a family.
Posted by Paly Alumni, a resident of the Old Palo Alto neighborhood, on Apr 23, 2008 at 1:39 pm
I know many Asian children who were adopted by well meaning Caucasian parents.
When the children reach adulthood they suffer psychological problems and have spent a lifetime explaining why they are a different ethnicity than their parents.
I happen to know many adopted 40 year old children who are trying to overcome not only the stigma of adoption, but the added embarrassment of having to having to explain why they are ethnically different from their parents.
This is not to say that the families were not loving.
Many well meaning parents (typically from Christian backgrounds) think they are doing justice to these "deprived" children.
The truth lies in the permanent psychological scars suffered by these children which manifest in the adulthood.
Additionally, many adult children have a hard time finding a spouse, and enjoying a happy marriage.
Posted by Resident, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood, on Apr 23, 2008 at 2:21 pm
The same can be said about adoptees who are of the same ethnicity as their parents. I have one friend, in her 40s who was adopted as a baby followed by the adoption of a younger brother a couple of years later. Their parents subsequently had a biological child which was totally unexpected. The only child of the three that has a secure marriage and lifestyle, is the youngest biological child. I also have another friend who was adopted followed by a younger sister a few years later. The older sister was the "clever" child, rather plain and awkward, while her younger sister was very pretty, popular and by no means not clever even though she was not up to the standard of her older sister. The eldest of these siblings died in her 40s, a remarkable teacher but single and always had a feeling of unfulfillment whereas the younger prettier sister has had several marriages and feels equally unfulfilled even though she is also a mother. All four of the adoptees struggled with self-worth and identity issues and some of this even crept into the makeup of the biological youngest.
Consequently, adopting within the same ethnic backgrounds does not make it that much easier.
Posted by Adoptee, a resident of the Professorville neighborhood, on Apr 24, 2008 at 4:29 am
I feel sorry for these children who are being adopted.
Money should not be a factor in determining a good home for an adopted child. I know quite a few wealthy families who adopted children for whatever reason. Children need to be loved, and adopted children need and should know their backgrounds. I think this will be hard for them when they grow up. I am almost certain of this.
The different cultures will only add to their identity problems when they grow up. They will want to reconnect with their cultural roots/
Posted by Resident, a resident of Another Palo Alto neighborhood, on Apr 24, 2008 at 8:43 am
I do agree with your comments and understand how you personally must feel on this issue due to your own background, but the other side of the question is what would their lives have been like otherwise. They must weigh the pros and cons, would you or them prefer to have grown up in an orphanage in dire circumstances, or have a loving adoptive family? This must be the best of two unfortunate scenarios.