| Published: February 4, 2004
A tale of two fîtes
by Dana Green
first glance, it would seem that engagement parties are passé.
These days, harried couples usually announce their nuptials to
family and friends by making a quick phone call or popping a "save
the date" postcard into the mail.
However, engagement parties are staging a comeback. When
actress Blythe Danner hosted an intimate dinner in New York last
summer for her engaged daughter, Gwyneth Paltrow, she joined the
growing list of individuals resurrecting the traditional engagement
Historically called a "flouncing," the engagement party
served as a formal event where couples signed a legal contract,
committing to the upcoming
marriage and swearing off other suitors. After they signed the agreement, if
either individual changed his or her mind, the scorned paramour could lay claim
to half of their partner's property.
While most couples no longer sign formal contracts of commitment, an engagement
party still serves a unique purpose: to get distant family members together before
the wedding, discuss plans and assign tasks, and enjoy a romantic evening re-telling
stories of the proposal and getting excited about the big event.
An engagement party should reflect a couple's individual style. Traditionally,
the bride's parents host the event, and it can be held in almost any venue, from
a backyard to a private dinner at a restaurant. Of course, for an evening that
guests will remember forever, the food has to be outstanding and the ambiance
has to set just the right tone.
At Marché Restaurant in Menlo Park, head chef Howard Bulka has one
requirement for his ideal engagement party: caviar.
"Caviar is its own world," Bulka said, with a touch of veneration in
his voice. "If someone in my family was getting engaged, I'd spring
for the caviar," he said, smiling.
Luckily, caviar pairs perfectly with champagne -- another requirement
for any celebratory feast. Bulka recommends starting off the meal with
Osetra or American sturgeon caviar and rosti potato with chive
crËme fraÓche, or a sparkling wine with oysters on the
For a group of family and friends, Bulka recommends keeping the
straightforward. Simple, elegant dishes will please a wide range of palates.
For that reason, he tries to encourage groups to choose poultry if they are choosing
from a fixed menu. "You always bump into people with restricted diets," Bulka
said. Family events also often include older family members who favor
familiarity over culinary risk-taking.
But poultry, in his view, means herb-roasted guinea hen or pan-roasted duck breast
with lingonberry sauce, served after a course of smoked-trout salad. Choosing
more exotic poultry dishes elevates the meal beyond the everyday.
A private dining room will offer privacy for small, intimate groups,
but holding your party in the main dining room can also lend excitement
the evening. "When
you are in a restaurant, you're in a public space, and that's part of the fun," Bulka
If Mardi Gras is more your style than the Marseilles, Nola Restaurant
in the downtown district of Palo Alto is the public space many
flock to. At
restaurant, where party beads drape over the cast-iron balcony
and colorful, New Orleans-inspired art fills the walls, an engagement
dinner is more
likely to feature etouffée than
Although Nola also has a fixed menu for special parties, most groups are looking
for foods that tie in with the restaurant's festive theme. From spicy jambalaya
(fish, chicken, and andouille sausage with Cajun spices) to Creole prawns, the
entrees on Nola's party menu pack a Cajun punch. Their mouth-watering selection
of desserts includes southern pecan pie and chocolate brioche bread pudding.
Lucy Thompson, Nola's event and catering coordinator, said many couples come
back for their engagement party dinner after meeting at the restaurant. She thinks
the casual, fun atmosphere appeals to couples who want to have a relaxing evening
before the stress of wedding planning.
"People can come here and not have to stress," Thompson said. "You
can relax and have a good time."
Nola provides private rooms for special groups, but it's the funky
atmosphere that provides an instant theme. "People have brought in boas, masks...we
provide everyone with party beads," Thompson said. They also provide an
LCD projector and screen, a personalized menu and private rooms offering some
privacy for special toasts. "We have four different kinds of champagne.
But they usually want hurricanes or margaritas," Thompson said with a laugh. "That's
what we're known for."
For couples on a budget, serving cocktails and appetizers is an ideal way to
cut costs. Baked oysters, sizzling crab poppers, jerked chicken, and Nola's special
gumbo lead an appetizer menu that will get the joint jumping. Nola's street-side
front room, featuring leopard-print lounge chairs, Mexican figurines and a roaring
fireplace, can be rented out for private parties.
Whether it's funky and casual, or elegant and romantic, an engagement party offers couples the chance to share their joy with their closest family and friends and receive their advice, elation and well-wishes. In busy, stressful lives, it's a chance for both families to gather and celebrate the upcoming marriage through a tradition that celebrates family ties.