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Seven haphazardly scrawled digits cut across the backside of a crinkled, slightly damp coaster, recovered this morning from the back pocket of last night's jeans. Red Bull, working in unison with stomach juices, slowly dissolves a pair of extra-strength ibuprofen, and one restless thumb hovers over a cell phone's "send" button.

Here goes nothing.

Meeting people is easy, but meeting someone with whom you share chemistry is another matter.

And whether those seven numbers were neatly written on a receipt at a nearby coffee shop, scribbled on a bus pass or entered into a Blackberry during a business lunch, the apprehensive thumb is ubiquitous.

"It takes courage," said Wendy Lyon, a master's certified relationship coach who holds a doctorate in psychology and has worked with hundreds of singles.

Lyon runs a private practice for coaching singles and couples — holding in-person sessions locally as well as over-the-phone sessions with clients from all over the country.

She also serves as the relationship expert for basingles.com, a Bay Area-based dating website.

Singles today have more alternatives than ever before when it comes to finding companionship, and, perhaps, a better chance of meeting that companion faster, she noted. That change, in large part, is thanks to the Internet. Like no other tool in recent years, the Internet has brought a new kind of risk — arranging a first date with someone you've never even glanced at face-to-face — but also vast opportunities.

"It's great that there is the option of meeting online," Lyon, a proponent of Web dating, said.

For her, the most promising feature of online dating is that it allows singles to be very clear about what they are looking for in a relationship from the outset — something that isn't always easy to do without the aid of an online profile.

Lyon said it is a common misconception that perfect relationships just materialize out of thin air, that sooner or later Mr. or Mrs. Right will just waltz in the front door and everything will fall into place. This myth, she said, is the result of a lack of education on what makes a couple compatible.

"It's something that people don't learn about from their own families, and they're certainly not learning it in school. I think it should be mandatory in high school," Lyon laughed. She said if people were given instruction on the subject from an early age they would understand a long-term relationship is "something you can actually create."

But online dating services are not magic, she cautions.

"With online dating the best way to make it work is to know yourself and be clear about that in your profile."

One of the largest nationwide dating sites, eHarmony.com, was designed to help singles follow Lyon's advice. eHarmony requires users fill out a detailed questionnaire and employs those answers to match individuals with other like-minded singles.

The reason for the questionnaire-matching, according to eHarmony spokesman Paul Breton, is that "people who share similar values, attitudes, personality traits and interests are more likely to understand their partner and be able to resolve conflicts constructively, because they can see the other person's point of view."

The questionnaire was created by eHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren, a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor. After interviewing thousands of couples, Warren and his team honed in on what makes certain relationships work and others fall apart.

According to a Harris Interactive study, on average, 236 eHarmony users are married every day in the United States. That accounts for roughly 2 percent of all marriages in the United States. There are no statistics on how long the marriages last, however.


Even with numbers such as those boasted by eHarmony, some Peninsula singles are reluctant to participate in online dating.

Cayla McAllister, a patron of Rudy's Pub on University Avenue, has gone on a handful of fizzling first dates set up through "Mistake.com," a telling nickname she assigned to the national online dating service, Match.com.

"The good thing about online dating, I think, is that people are genuinely looking for a relationship," she said, noting that she never got the impression any of her online dates were only looking for a fling. However, McAllister added, she feels that while the majority of people using dating sites have good intentions they are likely online because they have struck out everywhere else.

Denise Connell, a bartender at Blue Chalk on Ramona Street, agreed.

"There seems to be a stigma to it," she said of online dating, reasoning that those seeking dates on the Web may be doing so because of some sort of social ineptitude.

Lyon said she understands McAllister's frustration.

"From what I've seen, when the dating sites match you up online there is a lot of room for error," she said. But she disagrees that there is a general stigma associated with online dating.

"Maybe there was more of that viewpoint 10 years ago," Lyon said. "But dating sites have grown so much I think that stigma is much less so."

Online dating is "much more the norm. It's much more acceptable."

Stigma or not, Connell believes that the institution of online dating also suffers from an overall "sterile" feel, compared to the serendipity of meeting one's soul mate by chance.

"There is something romantic about just having the moment happen," she said.

On the other hand, she recognized that where there is spontaneity there is also the potential for oversight and poor decisions, especially when it comes to meeting someone at a bar.

When booze is flowing and the music is loud there isn't much room for anything other than the immediacy of physical attraction and quick-hitting one-liners to grab the attention of that special someone. As a result, come morning, it is impossible to be sure of just how special that someone really was.

Connell said she has seen it happen innumerable times: Over drinks and dancing two Blue Chalk patrons will meet for the first time, grow closer — often very close — and end up leaving together, presumably to "hook up," today's parlance for a one-night stand.

Lyon seconded Connell, noting that for younger singles — men and women alike — commitment isn't always a priority.

"If you're looking for something casual, then perhaps a bar is the right place to go," she said. "If I were single and looking for something serious, I wouldn't rely on bars."

It may be for this very reason that McAllister has never formed a long-term relationship with someone she met at Rudy's, or any other bar for that matter. She was introduced to her current boyfriend through mutual friends.

But Kelley Gorman, a bartender at Antonio's Nut House on California Avenue, tells a different story. Gorman met her boyfriend at Antonio's, and she knows many happily married couples who first met shuffling around the bar's peanut shell-covered floor, including her sister.

"It's actually a pretty funny story," she said, chuckling from across the bar. Gorman's sister, at Antonio's with a date she had arranged online, caught the attention of a Nut House regular who had hitherto failed to act upon his admiration for Gorman's sibling. Seeing her at the side of another man was enough to spur the regular into action. That night he asked her for a date and the rest is history. The two have been married four years.

Of course, bars aren't the only public gathering places where one might catch the eye of an interested party.

"I meet a lot of chicks on the train," Rudy's bouncer Tracey Duncan said with a smile. He figures it's no use to spend his commute idly peering out the Caltrain window.


Then there is that other legally sanctioned, drug-infused libation, whose houses of consumption provide patrons with plenty of opportunities to commingle and get to know each other: the all-American coffee shop.

Jeemin Shim, a barista at Caffe del Doge on University Avenue, sees plenty of lovebirds sharing a cup of Joe every day.

"We actually have a lot of regular couples," she said.

Elaine Levia, a patron of Caffe del Doge, said she isn't sure she would like to date anyone she met at a coffee shop, but knows people who have. For her, the cafe is a place of personal refuge, and, should a relationship go south, the possibility of running into an ex there would disrupt her sanctuary.

Levia, who works at a cafe in Santa Clara, said she knows people who have had flings through her coffee shop as well as a couple who met working there and are now married.

Two Stanford students, Emma Cobert and Robert Bonkowski, also Caffe del Doge patrons, said that they are blessed with opportunities to meet new and interesting people on campus.

Bonkowski said he never considered online dating as a student. However, he said that once he graduates, and should he have trouble meeting the right person, he would not be averse to giving it a shot.

It seems that any place where people mill about affords at least some chance for romantic connection.

"You could meet somebody fantastic at the grocery store," Lyon conceded. "It's just unlikely." To increase one's odds of finding a good match outside of dating websites, she suggested joining a club or city sports league or engaging in some other enjoyable social diversion. Sierra Singles hikes or trail-cleanup expeditions, or church-based activities or organizations, are longstanding, traditional link-up alternatives for people with common interests. Political campaigns and school activities for 20- or 30-something, or older, singles have tried-and-true hook-up potential.

"Start spending time in places where you feel your most important values are met, where you are passionate about the activity you are doing," Lyon advises.

Lyon said ultimately people will continue searching for companionship.

"That's something that we strive for, to have that deep connection and intimacy, and that partnership where there is love and understanding," she said.

And that means people will continue to take advantage of every opportunity to meet someone special, whether online or in person. It's just human nature.

When asked whether she feels that there has been a dip in Antonio's Nut House patrons out on the prowl due to the rising popularity of online dating sites, Gorman said she was doubtful.

"It seems like anybody who ever comes in who's single has their eye out for somebody."