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Couple's Net

By Chandrama Anderson

E-mail Chandrama Anderson

About this blog: I am a LMFT specializing in couples counseling and have lived in and around Palo Alto since 1969. I worked in high-tech at Apple, Stanford University, and in Silicon Valley for 15 years before becoming a therapist. My background i...  (More)

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"What Did You Do?"

Uploaded: Oct 28, 2013
On a recent warm fall afternoon, I notice a man riding his bike with a huge mixed bouquet of flowers in his basket. I watch as he turns north from Willow onto Middlefield, curious about who they are for (or had someone given them to him)? I wonder how often he brings flowers home, and how they are received? Is this an occasion? Are friends coming for dinner? Was it an impulse buy?

I remember the story my husband once told me of buying flowers at the grocery store. When he got to the check stand, the cashier asked him, "What did you do?" The implication was that he had done something wrong, and that was why he was buying flowers – as atonement for a blunder of some sort.

Whenever I tell this story, people want to know, was the cashier a man? No, it was a woman.

Who buys flowers in your couple? When, and how come?

Comments

Posted by Lmfao, a resident of Jackson Park,
on Oct 29, 2013 at 9:39 am

Why would a women buy her man flowers? These articles on the voice are ridiculous.


Posted by Chandrama Anderson, a Palo Alto Online blogger,
on Oct 30, 2013 at 8:28 am

Chandrama Anderson is a registered user.

Brene Brown writes and gives TED talks about vulnerability and shame. In "Daring Greatly" there's a powerful section in which a man challenges her for researching women and not men. He essentially says that he thinks women would rather have men die on that white horse than fall off. Maybe it would be vulnerable to give a man flowers. Maybe it would be vulnerable as a man to get flowers. Maybe he would not like to get flowers. Maybe he would. Who knows? My experience is that many women are crying out for her man to be emotionally present with her. And yet, how and when would we like our manly man to be emotional? Do women know? Do men?


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